322....

Xmas is past and I have the blahs!  I drank and ate and developed new regrets.

305...

Fat and unhappy...Well, since i eeked out a pass on my PT test I have not done a thing but drink and eat everything in sight. 

I am gonna waste the rest of this month and then go on a liquid diet in January...peace out..

290..

Week come and week go. So when we last left I had a PT test looming. The good is I performed better on push ups and sit ups and even my run was a wee bit better.  The bad was the weight and waist measurement.

Where am I going wrong?  The last month I had been so very careful about what I ate and ran whenever i could.  My clothes were fitting better and people were telling me that i looked as if I were losing weight. So I kept up my efforts and refused to weigh.  My thoughts if my loss were only 5 pounds I would be depressed.

The morning of my PT test and I decide to step on the scale so I would have some idea of what the numbers would be when I went to test.  I almost fell over when I read the scale.  I had gained 4 pounds this month.  So 2000 cal a day and running and working out had allowed me to gain weight. I even went the month without alcohol.  Ugghh!

Some how I passed the PT test and went on a weekend of debauchery and ate and drank all I wanted,  Knowing all the while Monday would roll around and I would be on a new diet plan and excuses were not part of the program.

Its Sunday and I feel like shit!  Bad food, drinking and it has taken a toll on me.  I am not twenty anymore and it shows in more ways that I care to admit.

So, I started Monday a few hours early and hopefully I can shed a few pounds before the new year rolls around.  This time I am weighing every freaking day - no more surprises!

284...

from the "just my rotten luck files":  I have a PT test in a few days.  I have been running hard for the last six months to improve my scores.  The last month I have not been drinking and have cut my carbs down to an extremely low level.  I am at a point now where I am confidant to make a decent score and I have been looking forward to getting the monkey off my back.

Well, the monkey has been causing havoc with my back.  To be specific my lower back. i am afraid that I have a slight herniation in the lumbar region and it is pissing me off.  Here I am ready to test and my back is jacked up.  i am left with two options.  one, I can go to medical and be placed on profile and this will post pone my PT test until my back is better.  The second option is to bite the bullet and get through the PT test and when it is done rest my back until better.

I am playing a wait and see on how I feel in the morning. If my back is functional for push ups and sit ups I will power on.  However, if I am unable to do either to my satisfaction I will be forced to seek the waiver.

I do not want to be one of those people who skirts his responsibility to meet the standards and definately do not want a medical record of any kind while I am working on an afit position.

so the next 24 hours will help me to decide....time for another ibuprophen.

272...

Homework and adjusting to nights is making me batty! 

264...

It is amazing how just a few days can provide one with a new outlook.  My head is in a different place than it was just seven days ago - that is a good thing!

I am working nights-ugghh!  It takes a while for my body to adjust and once it does it is a decent transition.  I rather enjoy nights.  There are fewer people around, it is easier to get things done and you often have time to get school and other obligations accomplished.

I have a bunch of stuff on my plate.  first up is another PT test.  I need to shed a few pounds other than that I should put up solid numbers.  I have a GRE to schedule and one class to really dive into.  I am hoping to have the GRE and class done by Feb 1st (fingers crossed).

257...

I am stupid stupid stupid!  I jumped to some fantasy conclusions that were no where even close to being based on reality, but my mind let myself get too close to a situation.  Long story short - i get sucked in and I was the only one.

I develop these crushes every now and then and my mind runs wild with it.  I end up with this depressing hurting crushing feeling with no reason to expect things to have turned out differently.  why do I allow myself to go down this path over and over again?  I am hopeless!

Breath in and breath out.  I have not REALLY lost anything except the wild fantasy that was living in my mind.  pop the bubble and get back to realty.  Truth is I do not have the time to get all caught up in a dangerous romance.

But it would have been nice to attempt to juggle everything.  Oh well, on my own still!!!

256..

Only a few more days of days then it is off to working nights.  I have mixed feelings about it this time around.  It will be nice to sort of lay low on nights away from all the higher ups,but my sleep schedule and life seem to go on hold.  Plus as soon as I go nights I will get tasked for a whole bunch of shit to do on days - they are good about that.

Another bummer about nights this time around is that i will be working with a whole new crew and this bunch is not near as fun as my prior group.  So this could lead to some really long boring nights.  Another issue is that we will be working short most of the rotation and it puts more on each of our shoulders - not looking forward to that.

However, I can workout and catch up on my studies. So, I plan to see the glass as half full.  Well, at least until the shit hits the fan.

252...

I am losing momentum...I feel like a car where the wheels cannot get any traction on the road surface.  I get this way from time to time when I let the forces I face get the upper hand. 

I keep a running tab in my mind of all the things that I need to finish before I leave and they seem to be hurdles and I am having a hard time getting over them.  First up was the class that had a horrific ending and now I have to take it somewhere else.  Not a huge deal, but still something that is undone.  a PT test looms and I am on the fence about passing.  No matter what I do I show little to no improvement and on the day of the test it really could go either way.

There are other things that I should be working hard on that just don't seem to be getting done and time is running out.  I almost feel like I am at the point where I am going to fail everything I attempt. I need a win somewhere in the near future or I am afraid I may be stuck in a losing streak....

247...

This weekend has been the first full weekend where I had nothing to study and nothing to prepare for.  It felt pretty damn good,but like everything in my life I over-did everything.  so now I sit here stuffed, did not run or workout and regretting a few of my choices.

It seems I bargain with myself most of the time.  I will say today is the last time and tomorrow I will walk the line and be perfect.  The trouble is that a week later I am at it again. I am repeating destructive patterns and once again I am going to attempt to right my ship.

The new week brings decisions that must be made.  I have to study for at least two exams and get myself in the preparing/organizing mode. 

Only a few months left before I leave and I have so much that needs to be accomplished, but I sort of believe I will get it all done.

244..

back in May i registered for an online course.  I spent hundreds of hours reading, studying and writing hundreds of pages of notes.  I took the practice exams ten times or more until I memorized every answer.

Today, I sat for the proctored final and it was all for nothing.  The questions were all trick questions and it appears the instructor just uses this class to show what HE knows about the subject.  In 100 questions I am not even sure I got 10 correct.

The syllabus stated in 4000 students less than 4% actually fail.  I think that statement is a bold faced lie!

Oh well, i sulk tonight and register for another class in the morning.

240....

A moment yesterday tried me and good.  The situation involved a massivly obese patient who was nasty and verbally abusive.  Throw in a few attempts to hit a few of us and I was ready to drop him out of a fifth story window.

Thankfully, my interaction with the large uncooperative person was short.  I do have a MAJOR issue with people who come to the hospital by their own choice and proceed to make everyone miserable.  Stay home and die rather than bring your issues to people who are there to help.

Okay, off my soap box.  Hopefully today will be better!

236..

I am breaking down in pieces.  My back is hurting, my shoulder has an ache, my hip is popping and I sliced my hand open on a can lid.  So I am the picture of the walking wounded.

My weeks since my last post have had me find a calm to get me to the next stage of where I need to be.  I am woefully unprepared for my test this week and I am also ready to get it over!

I have not been running as I should and I am not dropping weight at the moment.  I have so very much to do and such a short time to complete....so I am right smack in a place where I normally find that second gear and power through.

Time will tell...

222..

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me to get through.  I was forced repeatedly to face a situation that was extremely unfair to me and there was a point in the day where every cell in my body just wanted to either scream at the idiots responsible or just walk the fuck out. 

I called a friend and took a nice long break.  I vented to a co-worker and tried so hard to refocus of the bigger goal in front of me.  The thing is that I don't appreciate being lied to or being cheated and both have occurred.  So yesterday was very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut.

I am so thankful to have a few days off to clear my head and spend time having some well deserved fun.

one day at a time.

221..

I had to work hard to keep my anger at a low simmer yesterday.  Mind you I am not one who deals well with being shafted, but I have to focus on the big picture.  Breath in and breath out...if I do what I need to do than all will work out in the end.

another thing that bugs me is people who are constantly jockeying for position.  enough already!  They do this right in front of my nose! I do not get the constant need some people have to make themselves seem important.  They obviously have a need to prove something.

These things come simmering up to the surface as the reality of the military competition system comes to play. people fight for recognition and puff up their chest at every opportunity.  You are judged and ranked against one another for every possible morsel of anything and for what?  Really!  I just do not play that game.  I refuse to be one of those cut throat individuals who gladly throw a team member under the bus for a smidge of recognition. 

I work very hard to uphold the core values and no where in those values does it advocate self promotion or the cut throat attitude of the people I work with.  If the core values are not important and thing maintain as they are for my four years then I will go my own way and return to the civilian world.

220..low carb thang

So Saturday I got a bug up my ass and needed to go out to eat.  I was feeling all confined up in this house and needed out.  In hindsight that was a big mistake.  Cause I had maybe 5o thousand beers and got tore the fuck up!  it was so bad that I went by the market and bought not one or two but four pints of ice cream.

I woke up early and hung over the next morning to discover that I ate about two pints of ice cream and a wave of shame washed over me.  here I was just a few days into the low carb thing and I carb loaded like a crackhead!

So Sunday, I climbed back on the horse.  I ate correctly and even forced myself to run that evening.  I knew the run would suck major ass but it was my own fault.  in fact, I felt as though I had accomplished something when I ran.  yes, the time was bad but that run was about getting back on track.

This morning for breakfast I had a fried egg (in olive oil) with onions and a few baby shrimp covered with cheese.  The low carb breakfast rocks!  I am taking melon  and some soy burgers to eat today and hopefully I won't feel so hungry.

Oh well, the start of a new day..

218...finally

This morning i woke up and went for a run.  Different strategy this time, I am taking a steady pace and try not to burn it after the first half mile.  the results were not that bad -  in the past 6 weeks I have ran exactly two times so to do so well right off the bat leaves me feeling pretty damn good about myself.

i have some new motivation now.....rumor is i am being deployed soon and my ass is not showing up in the desert fat and out of shape.  So it starts here!

215...panic mode?

So, I took a practice final exam for my class yesterday.  I missed 51 of 93.  Yikes!  I am on the brink of panic mode, but I have to weekend to solidify my understanding of a few points and still sit for the final.  I can miss like 22-25 and still earn a solid B...so I still have time.

215...

Word to the wise.  never send an email when you are pissed off about something and especially do not send one to someone a few pay grades above your own.  Yup, you guessed it.  i was angry and some things that had gone down and I shot off an angry email about it.  Do I regret it - maybe!  We will see how it ends up!

There is so much negative energy hovering in the air at work and it is uncomfortable at times.  drama that does not involve me but we all get dragged into it and I do not like the current climate while I am on duty.  But the winds are changing and in a few months many people are leaving and the shop should have a completely different look.  So I am holding tight to see what comes up.

209...Fat Air Force Wives

being single I sometimes think how nice it would be to actually be married and living on base.  To become more a part of the Air Force family and maybe have a few kids and do the whole "hang out" thing with other Air Force families.  However, lately I have been noticing a trend or call it a theme in these AF families.  Thw wifes are fat as hell!  I mean stretch pant busting gals who double the size of their military counterpart. 

Mainly the fat culprit is the female spouse but I have seen a few fit airman with tubby hubbies and it is just a disgrace.  We active duty folk are required to continually work on fitness and maintain weight standards and I fully admit I struggle in that area, but these spouses have thrown in the towl and fully do not reflect what should be the image of the AF family.

I went to a recent gathering where spouses were in attendance.  It looked embarassing!  I mean there are some fit men and women married to lard tubs!  Seriously?  many of these live on base where there are ample opportunities and resources at their disposal to work out, but instead they get fat and disgusting.  Sitting at home eating and getting fatter!  I am not saying they need to be super models, but it is so contrary to what the AD life should be all about.

Maybe if they had weight and fitness requirements for spouses.  If they cant meet it then kick them out of base housing.  Maybe that would get these slobs off the couch!

205...something wicked this way comes...

You know, Sara Palin is really a dumb fuck!  The more sound bites I hear from her the more I wonder, 'who the fuck would vote for this twat?'  The sad part is that many uninformed and uneducated Americans would be lining up to vote for her - a sad commentary on our country.

I have been loosely following the happenings with the political climate.  I am military and I do not think I am allowed to disparage any president or member of congress and before I start let it be know that it is not my intent.  In fact, I feel for the position that the president is in.  he is literally is a no win situation inheriting a horrid economy left him by the Bush and now he must deal with an extreme faction that is the new GOP. I don't understand how things are going to get any better with the amped up political rhetoric that has been taking place.

The GOP presidential potentials are the biggest fucking Joke I have ever seen.  You have Bachmann - what the fuck has she EVER done except fuck up history and pander to the wing nuts of the teabag party and her husband - well I will just leave that one alone.

There is perry who has written how he wants to redo the entire constitution to include making abortions illegal and granting congress the ability to override the supreme court.  He may win the prize as the ultimate extremist. I would be fucking scared to see him in the oval office.

Mitt Romney - who knows where he stands as he changes his message based on poll numbers.  He is in definite need of some backbone.

The funniest of all is Santorum. The man is a joke (see Google) and why he is running is any ones guess.  I mean he could not hold onto his senate seat in his own state he got trampled and now he feels qualified to run for president with his religious rhetoric.  I think he is vying for a bigger focus within the teabag party. Who knows.

Anywho, 2012 should be quite interesting as I fear the worst is yet to come!

204...rain

Off for a few days and I can take a little time to unwind and then hit the books.  The fear of the looming test is providing some stress, but I am determined to plow through and make the best effort I can.  The statistics from the website state only 4% actually fail the test so I am taking a wee bit of comfort in that, but a 'C' is as bad as a fail to me.  I need a 'B'.  sure, i would prefer an 'A', but I am being a realist here.

Work was unnerving at times.  I have the tendency to be suspicious and nervous that people are being overly critical of my work and now that i am in full view of everyone my mistakes or lack of military knowledge is in full light.  I actually miss nights!  Believe that or not.

I am becoming a little frustrated at a new staff member.  This is a person coming in with "tons" of experience but it is not reflected in the work being executed.  Oh well, I bite my lip and plow forward.

It is raining hard outside.  I have the doors to the patio open and I am really enjoying the downpour.  Anything that can cool this place down is a very welcome event.  It is just so damn hot here!

Well,i must study in a bit and want to just take some time to enjoy my coffee and the rain..

201...bake it

I made it beyond 200 days stuck here in the armpit of the south.  I cannot believe I have so many more days ahead of me.  Oh well, like an alcoholic, i have to put in one day at a time.

Yesterday, i met a friend for a late lunch and then we went for drinks.  the bar had bingo and I have to admit it was fun sitting around a bar playing bingo while sipping a beer - I look forward to doing that again.

Today, I am going to make some bread pudding.  I have been wanting some for so long now and I figured why not make it myself.  I had ordered some at a local restaurant and it was not good and way over priced!  So,I bought a cheap cake in the bakery on my way home last night and I am about to assemble the ingredients and see how it turns out - wish me luck!

Well, that is about all for now..

199...

I am so happy that is is Sunday and I get a few days off after today.  Studying has to take a break when I work because my routine is work, eat sleep and repeat until i am off.

i scheduled my final and for a millisecond here and there I actually believe that I may pass the damn thing.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.

This morning is all about coffee and getting my thoughts together befor the day begins.

Oh and I had to wake up at 0220!  ugghh!

196...hanging

why is it one beer is good.  Three beers are great, but 13 beers makes for a bad morning after...I need tylenol!!

191...all work and maybe a little play

i have been reading and studying all freaking day.  Now i have decided that I deserve an adult beverage.

Back to the books tomorrow!

190...big gay moment??

Hectic and crazy are words I would use to describe the past few days. I am still learning about the building and my responsibilities and it does not help that the orientation here suck big rotten ass!  It is sort of a 'figure it out on tour own' type of place and that can be a bit much at times.  Combine that with situations here that would NEVER ever occur on the outside and it becomes a head scratcher.

There are situations I would love to elaborate on, but being is such a small facility it may be too telling to even provide the vaguest details.  so I err on the side of cautions and leave all details out.  Trust me there were some BIG issues that I just can't get into.

One other weird thing happened before I left.  I was running my mouth to the oncoming shift when a couple of surgical resident came nosing around the unit.  I suppose they were following one of the two new admits.  These were spanking new residents and it showed in every way.  One came and spoke to a colleague and the other was look around for something.

Anyway, the one nosing around was very muscular and even in scrubs you could tell he was huge.  i don't know why but I found myself staring at him and just could not take my eyes off of him.  In my mind i was thinking, 'how the hell does he ever find the time to put that many hours in the gym?'  So, in the midst of my obvious staring a co-worker has noticed my new fascination and he is giving me an odd look.  I don't even know how to begin to explain what I was doing - so I didn't try.  I guess he thought I was having a gay moment and who knows maybe I was.

187....effen dog!!!

One of my dogs has been getting on my nerves lately.  I have two pooches, one is 11 and the other is 8.  The 11 year old is a typical "old man", he sleeps almost all day, he is uber slow to do anything and his eyesight is fading very fast. When I see him go up or down the stairs i cannot help but think that he is in his twilight year(s).

The 8 year old is spoiled rotten.  She is an attention whore like none other. She receives attention, treats, special oatmeal baths and her very own chewies and pillows.  But is that enough - NO!  She has started to pee the bed.  Not her bed, but my bed!  My king-sized sterns and foster! 

The first pee happened about two weeks ago and it was within 30 minutes of taking her out to pee. She was upset about something so it was her way to pay back.  She got in trouble and I thought we ended that little issue.  Last week she did it again and again yesterday.  Now she is banned from the bedroom until further notice.

Since I have dogs I have a few layers of mattress covers with the top one being waterproof.  So no matter how much she pees it never reaches the mattress, but it still pisses me off when she does it.

Last night when I went to bed I saw where she had pissed the bed.  Tired and irritated I pulled all the sheets and mattress protector off the bed and put them in the washer.  I then closed the bedroom door and banished the dogs from entry.  This morning I am still mad and made her get off the sofa and no treats today.

I am gonna break her of this new little phase or she will be treated like a dog!

186...boring

i finished up a three day stretch and I feel like someone has run me down with a dump truck.  Work was a bit dull and boring this weekend so why am I so freaking tired?  I slept in until 0930 and an hour later I am starting to feel like my body is waking up.

Good news on the dieting front as I seem to be sticking to my diet.  I am keeping things very simple for the first few weeks.  My morning is around 200-300 calories.  Lunch is 300 to 500 calories and dinner I try to stay slightly under 500 calories and I have not felt the need to snack.  My only additional calories are coming from coffee creamer.  So under 1500 cal a day and I have already dropped six pounds - yea!

Life really has gotten very dull!  I wake up and eat maybe watch some television.  Surf the net for an hour or two, then study for a few hours.  the studying makes me sleepy so I take a nap.  I wake up and fix a stack and start the whole process over again until time for bed.  So very dull!  And no end in site!

I have a final exam in September and when I get that out of the way it will be time to review for the GRE (again).  Once those two are behind me I can start to have a little fun with my life!  I cannot wait to get done with these two hurdles. 

The Tea Party Poster Girl!!

184.. babysteps

Well, i have been sticking with my diet and avoiding beer.  It is very slow going, but I am going to keep at it and determined to get back to a decent number.

What I don't understand is how I can gain 8 pounds in a weekend, but take 4 weeks to lose that amount.  Still other people can eat as much as they want everyday and never gain an ounce.  It is just a cruel (as much as I love to eat).

Oh well, one day at a time.

182...test looms

In a month I am scheduled to take a test and I am starting to have some serious concerns on my ability to pass this test.  I have been reading and watching endless house of boring lectures, but when i go to answer the practice exams I do very badly.

The class is a very technical class and goes into so much detail and the quizes are difficult because to answer the questions you need to understand all the pathways cold.  I miss things like not knowing one of the products is AMP and not ATP when all else seems to make perfect sense.

So to give myself the absolute best chance to pass this course I am amping up my efforts to hopefully do well.

181...

So, the week started out not fitting me very well.  I started back in the daylight hours and just felt all out of sorts the whole day long.  My sleep patterns are all fucked up and it is making me feel sort of jet lagged the entire shift.

I am also feeling a twinge of resentment from others for a myriad of reasons and I am trying to just ignore it and move on.  I can tell you that after one shift back on days i prefer nights!

180....too damn early

So I cannot sleep!  Big surprise - right?  Actually, i did sleep from about 2230 until 0200. So that is a whopping 3.5 hours sleep!  Should i feel pampered?

It is this damn flipping from nights back to days.  I prefer days but I did not think it would be this difficult to flip back. I have flipped in the past but never with this continues problem.  Also, this was the smoothest night shift I have ever worked and my day sleep was rocking and that has never happened before.

So, today I am sure to be dragging my ass around work and suffering so very much for only getting 3.5 hours of sleep.

To make matters even worse - I have to come home tonight and study for 1-2 hours.  i may put that off until Wednesday (I am off).

Loads to get accomplished and such a small window of opportunity, however I have faced such issues before.  I just keep imagining getting to the finish line and how great that will feel!  That is what is motivating me at the moment!

poems suck...

okay, so I am doing my morning ritual. The one where I sip coffee and surf all the blogs that I follow.  My list of blogs I peek in on is an eclectic mix of work babbles, but they entertain me just the same.

Anywho, i go to visit one I have not read in a while (mainly because the posts have gotten way too long) and I scan.  The thing is full of blah blah blah depression, blah blah blah blue and blah blah blah personal problems.  it was enough to make me vomit, but that was not the worst of it.  The worst of it was a fucking original poem!

Not a fan of poems and especially not of men writing poems.  It just screams pussy to me.  What kind of man sits down and pens a poem? Even worse, what kind of man posts his blathering poem online for the world to see.  On a site that has his name and photo clearly displayed for the world to see!

needless to say I deleted the link from my favorites list as I just can't follow depressed man anymore.  He needs to get some counseling, medications or grow a pair and stop wallowing in self pity!  And for fuck sake stop it with the poems!!

179...hey that is the creepy guy

Stand offish, aloof, loner and unsocial...i have been described as all of these things over the years.  usually people tell me that was their initial impression of me, but later change once they have gotten to know me better.

See I have a difficult time getting to know people.  I can be extremely shy and just don't take to that many people.  I guess it is some sort of defense mechanism but it does get in the way of making actual friends.  Some of it can be attributed to the nomadic nature of past career choices, but the roots of it go on way before that.

i can talk to people and be social, but I have limited ability for small talk.  In fact, I can talk about the weather, sports and maybe some recent news event and then I am out.  I guess it goes along with my minimal attention span, but the awkward pauses that accompany some interactions are just more than I can bear ..so i bail from dull conversations.

Sometimes I try to stick around a bit too long when I find people I can converse with, but I start to feel a bit creepy for hanging about too long. 

I am also very secretive with my personal life.  I am one of the only unmarried people in all of the military (maybe a tad bit of an exaggeration - but not too far from the truth) and don't have much in common with married persons with homes bursting with children.  I date but don't really share details of that and would feel uneasy doing so.

Sometimes it does bother me that I have a difficult time making friends and can feel isolated from everyone else.  However, even when I make efforts - it just does not get any better.  so maybe I am the creepy guy that everyone works with.  I might be the person that everyone talks about when I am not in the room.  Its possible and it does not seem likely to change.

Making the military my career it is something I have to take into account as I attempt to move up in ranks.  I am not a people person and you need to be to step into higher administrative position.  So, I have to look into more technical/skilled roles to avert the whole lacking of social skills.  Lets face it, I am not going to develop impressive social skills no matter how much effort i put into it.  I can dazzle with my abilities and avoid the whole social expectations altogether.

178....

I have flipped!  From nights to days.  It was a whole lot harder this time, but today I am up and drinking coffee at 0500 after sleeping through the night.  whew!

Now I am ready to take on the daylight!

....173....and counting

being up as the ass crack of dawn and doing everything I can that does not include studying - I stumbled across a blog that counts down the days on a particular assignment.  Suddenly a light bulb of an idea occurred to me.  I would steal the whole count down theme, brilliant!

So today marks day 173 in the Gulf Coast.  That equates to a tad over 24 weeks, a shade under 6 months, roughly 4,152 hours, 249,120 minutes an somewhere around 14,947,200 seconds and counting.

If I am here the entire 4 years (1,460days) then this is just about 11% of my sentence I have way more ahead of me than behind me.  There is the possibility of qualifying for school, but we will cross that bridge if and when it makes its appearance. 

Just a little perspective on where I am.

parents and yuck..

It has been a while and I decided to call my mother today.  I have not called her in a while and the pangs of guilt were beginning to become difficult to ignore.  Anyway, i called her and could easily note a chill in her voice.

Here is the deal!  My mother expects me to call her like once a week.  i work and have a fucked up schedule so i do not always have the time or the patience to call her as often as she wishes.  she could call me every once and a while, but not her.

Plus, it can be painful to talk to my mother on the phone.  She is hard of hearing and I tend to speak "muffled" as she likes to complain.  Also, she has a bad habit of never listening even when she can hear.
A typical conversation:

Mom:  "What type are you looking to buy?"

Me:  "I am thinking about ...(before I can finish)

Mom:   "Did you look at the Honda?  The lady down the road bought one and blah blah blah"

She loves to ask questions and then interrupt before you can answer and seconds later she starts asking more questions.  Thirty minutes later my head hurts and i am wishing I had never called her.

don't get me wrong I do love my mother - I just don't have much to talk to her about.  My father even less.  I get shit from my mother about my father and that causes some tension between us.

My father was never much of a father and i managed to live my entire life very ambivalent towards his very existence.  Sure I will call on birthdays and make small talk when I see him, but I never really had much to do with him and he never wanted anything to do with me so a connection was never established.

There were even times he was down right cruel and much of my youth was spent resenting him.  I think one of my goals in life was to be exactly the opposite of him in every way I could and I think that I have achieved that task.

I am not one of those people who blame everything on the parents.  In fact, I believe once you can get away from the parental control is when you are truly responsible for your own happiness.  I can honestly say that i survived my childhood and have become an adult that neither of my parents can take credit for..my values, loyalty and character had nothing to do with them and if I ever have children I will not let them have any contact with my child.

Ouch, this rant has turned a little dark and with that I say good night.

me need work

I wrote about what i have learned about the military and now I am going to write about what I need to work on from a personal standpoint.  I am far from perfect and can see where there are areas I need to improve and soon.

1) The number one with a bullet is weight.  I have steadily gained since I have been here and if I do not get a firm handle on it there are going to be major problems that will shorten my career.

2) Fitness needs to improve and this will help number one.

3) I need to be more social and learn to blend in even when I have nothing in common with those I am trying to blend in with.

4) I need to become more aggressive/forceful. I sit back and wait to adjust far too much.  Maybe cause I feel like a newbie, but I got to get over that.

5) I need to press for things I want.  This is more of a future thing that I will push next year.

6) I need to gradually become more involved with things and become a bigger piece of the puzzle.

7)  I need to learn more.  Find out how I can use the system to work for me and not against me.

Just a few things that I need to work on to make my new life more productive.

I am learning

I have been here in Biloxi for a few months now and I can honestly say I have learned quite a few things about my new adventure into the military.

I take advantage of every situation to pick people's brains.  Active duty, retirees, enlisted and officers all have been subjected to my many many questions.  The more questions I ask the more I learn and the more I understand how little I know.

So on this post I am going to stick with what I know now that I did not know when I started COT.

1) health care in the military is a totally different animal.  Staffing is better, ratios are reasonable and people want to help. 

2) There are no experts.  have a question about anything and no one seems to know.  It blows my mind that I work with people who have been in for years and years and they remain clueless about so many things.  I thought when I came in there would be people with answers to all my questions - Wrong!!  Completing anything around here is done with guessing and trial and error.  If you fill out a form wrong eventually someone will tell you but not one person seems to have any of the answers - this gets frustrating!

3) Ass kiss, ass kiss, ass kiss...recognition!  The military is all about awards and recognition and if you are not willing to put in some serious ass kissing time you will be overlooked.  It comes down to where the work does not matter nearly as much as face time with your leadership.

4) You can wait for it to come to you.  This is what I have sifted through all the advice and from watching other people.  No reason to be all gung ho and track people down to tell you what you need.  Just wait and from the depths of somewhere out there you will receive an email to tell you where to go and what to do - no need to stress.

5) You do not joined the military to see the world.  Because sometimes you get stuck and that is just too bad for you.  You are not on the move every few years - that is the military of old.  So unless you have crafted a plan you can easily get stuck in a place you never wanted to be.

6) You are not going to like everyone you work with.  i guess this is anywhere, but it is a little different here.  The uniformed co-workers personalities may not fit and that is just something that will not change.  The civilians you work with can be some of the worst people in the world and you can easily grow to resent their lack of integrity and lazy efforts.  It stands out 1000 times more in the military.

7) People talk a good game.  The fact is that is all they do is talk and talk and never really do anything.

8) some people work the shit out of the system!!  They find every TDY and every class.  Hardly every work, put themselves in for every award and get major face time with leadership.  They get the easy track to promotion and never really do any work.

9)  Rules do not apply to everyone.  I could so go into detail on this, but I am going to hold my tongue.

10)  You have to have a plan.  Early in the game you need to discover what it is you want to do with your career and how you are going to get there.  I had a little help and did a lot of reading to discover the best route for myself and now I am working hard to get to where i need to be. 


This post may come across as negative in nature and that was not the intention!  I do not regret for a second the decision I made to enter the military and I very much look forward to going to work.  I really enjoy what I do and hope to improve.  I plan to be a lifer!!

444

Something a bit freaky has been happening to me over the last few months.  It is sort of weird to even say out loud, but since I know you won't say anything i will tell just you.

I keep seeing the same number over and over again.  444 to be exact!  It seems every time I check the time it is 4:44, but it is not just the time it comes across on everything lately.  I made purchases that come to $4.44, caller ID with 444 and I had the rental car where the last three digits on the odometer were 444.

I have mentioned this oddity to friends and they just think I am fucked in the head!  Maybe they are right but it happens so often these last few weeks it is giving me the creeps.  Being hyper-aware of this I guess it heightens the level of creepiness whenever it happens.

For a while there I thought maybe these are lotto numbers I should play.  Could it be some sore of warning from another dimension?  It is only a few digits off from the mark of the beast (666).  I just sort of want it to go away.

yea my friends are probably right!

Nightmare..

I went to Walmart today.  Okay, I said it out loud and even that causes me to have the urge to take yet another shower.  Seriously, where do the people who shop in Walmart come from?  To make matters worse I was in a Walmart in fucking Mississippi!!  Lord help us all if these people are allowed to vote in the general elections!!

Usually I avoid ever stepping into a Walmart as my experiences are never good.  However, we were in the area of town that i can never pronounce or come close to spelling and it was the best alternative.  So I bit the bullet (probably actually more enjoyable that shopping in Walmart) and went in.

There are a total of three Walmarts within 10 miles of my home in MS and one about 15 miles away.  Gulfport, D'Iberville, Pass Road and the one 15 miles away is in Pass Christian.  I usually go to Pass Christian.

Gulfport Walmart I pass often as I tend to eat out and see movies in Gulfport.  They ban smoking in Gulfport restaurants - So if I eat out that is where I head.  I have never been inside the Gulfport Walmart because locals I work with have warned me that it is a dangerous place and people have been stabbed and robbed in the actual store.  So I heed their warnings!

Pass Road Walmart is the closest to where I live but it scares the fuck out of me.  the last time I shopped there they had some crazy religious freak with a loud speaker in the parking lot babbling all sorts of random ideas.  The store does not have a real grocery section and I avoid it as the people who shop there are so fucking "just out of prison" that I avoid it at all cost.

D'Iberville is far less prison break and much more cousin-marrying, truck-driving, eighth grade educated redneck sort of a crowd.  People there give serious consideration about which beer goes best with Walmart brand baked beans.  Shoes are optional in this store but tattoos are mandatory and mullets are still fashionable.

Pass Christian Walmart is spanking new and in a much more affluent part of the Gulf area.  granted there are still fat people shopping in those motorized carts, but is so much better than the other options in the area.  So much better that I usually do not complain about the long drive.

So, hopefully i am not required to return to Walmart for a spell. 

work to do..

I am wide awake at 0440.  i did sleep for about two hours, but the dog coughing made me wake up.  I wish I could sleep a few more hours as I have a pretty busy day today.

I did nothing yesterday - i did not even leave this apartment!  I feel so sluggish!.

My run on Tuesday caused some pain in my shins - actually in my entire lower legs.  So i have decided to rest them for a few days and hope to run tonight or tomorrow.  I feel i am so close to making some improvement in my run times but it seems when I think i am getting close I get some sort of pain or injury.

My experiment with the whole barefoot running did not end so well.  My calves hurt and never seemed to get better so i never could run without stopping with pain. 

I have three full months to improve my run times or I will be on the borderline of failing once again.  currently a good run seems to put me at 13:30 for the 1.5 miles.  My goal is to trim 30 seconds off each of the next three months and that would put me at a 12 min mile and a half.  granted not blazing speed but along with sit ups and push ups i could get very close to a decent score.

I know i bitch and whine about running and stuff all the time and I have no one to blame but myself.  That said - I am going to put forth the effort and work to improve.  This is the life I chose and the one I fought for and I am not about to give up because it gets a little difficult.  It is time to step up and prove I belong! 

No more excuses!!

GEICO - SUCKS ASS!!!!!!!

I blogged before about being involved an accident.  I was hit by a drunk driver who was hit from behind by another driver.  I went through the rental car and a long drawn out process to find a replacement vehicle.

the process of dealing with any insurance company is never pleasant, but my experience with the sorry service at Geico has been insult to injury.  I should not condemn geico as a whole as the customer service people who answer the 1-800 line have been helpful and very nice.  My problem begins and ends with the claims people.

The first claims person took three days to have my car towed from the tow lot and failed to return five calls and only returned a call after I tracked down her supervisor and left him a couple of messages.  See these claim people (based in Ga.) work 0800 to 1630 and never actually answer the phone.  All calls go to voice mail where they claim to call back within a day - FUCKING LIE!!

Finally, after two weeks I get the settlement check minus the deductible.  I am told that I will be reimbursed the deductible and rental expense and that part of my handling is off to a recovery examiner.  Again, i call and call and call!!  Guess what the person does not return a call.  Today, I get a canned response via email with zero way to return the email to include information regarding my claim.

So, i find myself back on the phone dealing with the poor smuck from customer service who is very nice cannot help other than to forward an email.

I dropped my coverage with Geico as I have zero confidence in their ability to complete the claims process in a competent manner.  It is so damn frustrating leaving so many messages and never receiving a return call! 

They are evil and vile!!!!

peeking ahead

I am giving a lot of thought about retirement.  i know funny that I should be giving the idea of retirement any notion as I have yet to serve a full year in the military, but just the same I have been thinking about it.

Part of the reason retirement is on the radar if because I probably will not feel settled again until i retire from the military.  With the lousy economy I dare not purchase a home until i can be assured of staying put for a while.  I am not a huge fan of renting so my thoughts drift towards retirement.

I also hate the city I am stationed.  It is the pit of the south lacking in both culture and well anything.  It is always hot and bugs are everywhere. I am not sure this area has a single redeeming item that would appeal to anyone.  Oh, well the casinos are a draw for the elder set and those who love spending hours at a slot machine chain smoking and pushing a button thousands of times an hour.

So i surf the net looking at homes in cities that are far far away from here.  I have made a mental short list of cities I could consider retiring to.  The city must have both an NFL team and a professional baseball team.  I would prefer MLB but a good double or triple A team would fit the bill.  The city must be in a place that has four distinct seasons and preferably a bit of snow.  Lastly, the city must have somewhat of a good public transportation system - because I will be old and not wanting to drive much.

Minneapolis and Denver come to mind right away and for the moment they are at the top of my list,but twenty years is a long long way away and I am sure to change my mind along the way.  plus, my life stands to change a great deal by that time.  There may be children, a spouse or something that changes my view of life.  One never knows what the next day holds and how many of those days that we have remaining.  But for now it is nice to dream about what is still to come.

with a smile

I eat out a lot.  I am talking a minimum of three times per week.  Now I know people  who eat out every day of the week, but with my work schedule that is just not possible.

being a person who spends so much time in restaurants I have come to appreciate good service as much as good food.  I also tip accordingly and find that my gold standard is the 20% tip.  However,there are times when the service does not quite measure up to what I am expecting.  here is what i look for in service:

1) establish a friendly attitude from the get go. Say hi and if you tell me your name that is also cool.

2) Drink orders off the bat.  I want to get my drink on the table ASAP.

3) extra napkins are a big plus.  I am not eating at foo foo restaurants so the extra napkins are very much appreciated.

4) Take the order, write it down and read it back to me.  I order lots of stuff on the side and change up things from the menu and to get it right is a big thing.

5) When you bring the food ask if there is anything else I need.  Many times I need a condiment and the eaitress takes off so fast I am left waiting for her to return.

6)  Check in again after the food has arrived. A simple question like, "how is everything?" helps to resolve any issues.

7) Keep the drinks flowing.  There is nothing worse than seeing an empty glass on the table.  If I am waiting an extended period of time for a drink it may kill my buzz.

8) If the place is jumping or if there is a screw up in the kitchen - let me know.  I understand things get busy and if you keep me informed I am happy to wait patiently.

9) Ask before you bring the check.  or if you bring it ask one last time if I want another drink, etc..  If feels like I am being rushed out the door when the check is dropped off at the same time the dinner arrives.

10) If you mess up the order - make it right. I understand things happen but to make no attempt to correct it is a huge no no.

99% of the time service is perfect but every now and then things go horribly bad. 

Focus

Today I plan on trying to put the drama from work behind me.  Funny thing is that i have to go in for a meeting and then the rest of the day belongs to me.

On my agenda today I will be going to lunch with a friend and to a movie.  I will be seeing the new Harry Potter flick and I am a bit excited about it.  I may even see the 3d version.  However, most 3d versions are total crap but I am holding out hope that Harry will not let me down.

I am unapologetic about being excited to see the potter film as I enjoy all levels of science fiction and fantasy films.  The escapism provided from these films is so much needed relief from all the other things that weigh heavy on my mind.  So there!

So today will be a few hours of meeting and the remainder will be pure me!  I am loving it!!

the evil within...

I have a sneaky suspicion that one of my co-workers has gone behind my back to complain.  She has tried to manipulate me to ensure she gets easier workloads, but that is not happening.  so her next move is to complain to those above me.

I am one of those straight forward people where if you have a problem with me tell me and we will discuss it.  In turn, if you do something wrong i will go to you first and basically "have your back".  This whole going behind my back does not sit well with me..

It is just cowardly to go behind another's back and something I have never done.  I always attempt to project a professional attitude and treat everyone with respect until you give me a reason to act differently.  i hope I am wrong about this individual but my gut tells me otherwise.  Either way I should find out soon and will take the appropriate steps to address this individual.

The thing is that I have worked/managed this type of individual before and if you let them they will work you.  However, if their attempts fail they go to blaming and complaining.  In the past i have had little problems correcting their behavior or separating them from the organization but that all depends on the support and backbone of those above you.  this may be my first exposure to that sort of situation in the military setting.

Oh well, I am trying not to let this ruin my day off..

A bumpy road, but better than others.

I was online reading about the unemployed in America and it made me think how very fortunate I am.  many of the unemployed have been without work for many months and there really is no light at the end of their tunnel.  it made me think about how the shitty economy has impacted my situation and how much worse things could have turned.

In 2006 I had a wild hair up my ass to move from my home in Florida to somewhere up north where seasons actually change.  The housing market had been hot for a few years and my mind was swimming with the amount of money i could make from the sell of my home.  I had a family friend who happened to be a brand new realtor and we came to a very high price and listed the home.

in the meantime, I found a travel position up north and a house and decided I would purchase the new home because I was sure my Florida home would be snatched up within weeks.  They say hindsight is 20-20 and I had no idea how bad things would soon get.

My Florida home was way overpriced and I was way too stubborn and greedy.  By the time I started to drop my price (very small increments) the housing bubble in Florida was starting to burst.  The home sat and sat and sat.  Showings were so infrequent and the ones that did come through were not kind when giving feedback.  i learned the hard way what not to do when listing a home.

I had a home i could not sell in Florida and a new home in PA that needed work.  I had two mortgages and the expense of upkeep on the Florida home (yard work, repairs, electricity, etc...) . More money was going out than coming in and I mean a lot of money was going out.  Fortunately, I made a good chunk of change working as a traveler and I was able to swing all the bills, for a time.

The travel position ended and I was forced to find a real job at a much lower rate.  I found a full time position (that I hated) and a part-time teaching gig.  between both I again could make the payments.  Three months later the job I hated ended badly and with no warning and my teaching assignment was also ending.  So I went from two jobs to zero jobs!  I got a bit depressed!

It too a few months to get another job and I was paying mortgages with credit card checks.  The debt was piling up fast.  A new job was found and within a month a job I wanted was at my feet.  So, I accepted a director position at one company and kept the other position as a part-time gig (since I was a bit gun shy). Again, the director position was not what I was led to believe. instead of having my own department I was sharing duties with a much less educated woman who had worked for the facility for 23 years - not a good situation.  I also discovered this was a facility that routinely fired directors many time per year.

I lasted two months!  I did not feel bad because every manager was fired within that two months.  the woman i shared the role with begged for a lesser position and to my knowledge is still there.  So here I was being let go form two different placed with a few months of one another after never being fired in my entire life!  I started to think it was me!

Thankfully, the part time place took me on full time (the pay was even increased) and I did not miss a beat.  granted, I hated the job and felt so overqualified.  But it was a job and beggars cannot be choosers.  I stayed six months before I had the need to travel again - it was a good decision!

Over the next few years I worked in IN, MN, TX and back in PA.  I met so many different people and learned how to live my life with less stuff than ever before.  i found that if I didn't have something then I really did not need it.  As long as I had Internet and cable - I was okay.

Fast forward 3.5 years and the Florida home finally sells!  This is after going through 5 realtor's, multiple crazy ass offers and several trips to Florida to make repairs and such.  It had been so long on the market and been such a burden that I was numb when the realtor called to give me the news that it finally closed.

All along I could never really take a full time position anywhere because I need the travel money to pay all the bills and over the years I had incurred huge credit card debt.  so even though the home sold I remained in huge debt for carrying the home all those years.

The economy worsened and people had a hard time finding work.  Along the way I received a mailing from the military and the wacky idea of joining the armed services was planted in my mind.  Considering the crappy economy and lessening job prospects the military looked like a golden opportunity to serve my country and have the rare job security. I made the decision and applied and after an 18 month process I was sworn in!  Scary and so different than anything i knew before I crossed the blue line (best decision of my life).

Along the way I sold my PA home and decided i would not own another home until I could make long term roots somewhere.  I do not see that happening anytime soon.  All in all I think I am very fortunate to have job security, be relatively debt free (thanks to the sell of the PA home) and have awesome benefits.  It could all have turned in the other direction and the recession could have swallowed me up like so many others.

SMILE

That New Car Smell...Gotta Love It!!!

the ride around

The car saga spilled over from Friday and I was determined to come to some sort of resolution today!

In my prior post I detailed how the dealership could not match a car to the one I paid for. I had gone to the dealership Friday to retrieve my check when the manager asked that i give them until Monday and he guaranteed that he could find a match.

So, Monday rolls around and my phone is strangely quiet. I work nights and left my cousin with the task of answering the phone and waking me with any news. So imagine my surprise when I awaken at 1430 to find the manager has not phoned. I am pissed!

I head to the dealership to let them know that I am not happy at all. I show up and they overhead page the manager and from around the corner the salesman came with my check in his hand. he stated blah blah blah and that with the tsunami in japan the inventory is so low that nobody can get the car I wanted.

I take my check to the car and call the next closest dealership (23 miles away). I tell the salesman that i see something online that matches what i want and do they have it in. He calls back as I am on my way to their dealership and yes it just arrived today.

Long story short - i bought the car within an hour of picking up my check from the other dealership and for a tiny bit less money. Piece of cake!

Mind you i will be taking my new car in for scheduled service at the dealership that could not find me a car - so I am a little glad that I did not show my anger with them - plus the salesman was a nice guy and none of this was his fault.

Nip...and maybe a tuck..

Guess what? I made an appointment with a doctor. A special type of doctor. A plastic surgeon. Yuppers I am finally in a place where I have the money and will have the time to have my little tune up and I cannot wait.

I researched providers and I found one back home who specializes in facial surgeries. i have yet to decide exactly what i will have done. I will start with the upper and lower eyelid surgery and also the nose job, but from there I am not sure. I will listed to the surgeon and take his advice.

I am sort of thinking about a small chin implant or fat injection in my upper lip and below my eyes. I am not going all Michael Jackson, but I want to get everything all done at once and then never have another procedure performed again. It is sort of my mid-life redo.

My appointment is not for a for a few months so I need to shed a pound or two before i go, because I know those bastards will weigh me!!!

Beware of the fat people

This has been a bad bad weekend for the whole diet. I have eaten ice cream (Ben & Jerry), massive amounts of peanut butter and consumed liters of gin & tonic. I am avoiding the scale at all cost. I have gone so far as to use the second bathroom so as not to see the scale looking at me with that tsk tsk face it sometimes gets.

Well, I attribute my non-dieting to the stress of the whole car thing and my lazy study habits. I am two chapters behind and cannot find the motivation to get back into the swing of things and to make matters even more alarming - I have not run in three days.

I am gonna turn into one of those people who gets so fat they can no longer leave their home. I am consumed by shame regarding my epic diet fail.

The only thing I can do is to resolve myself to starting over. invoke my short term memory and start this bad boy all over again. I have until November and I will accomplish my goal! Or I will continue to lack will power and turn into a big ole jabba...its really a toss-up at this point.

run gasp run gasp

I have been doing some interval training for the past week to help improve my run times and adjust to new shoes. It is an interesting process.

On one hand i get to sprint over short distances, but my times are slow. See, I run the stop watch while I train but not so much to check my time.

I run two miles and time myself everytime I run. In intervals I run a bit and walk a bit and every day the time is better - even though I do not really count it. I think after another week i will do an actual run to see if my time has really been improved by the intervals and the new shoes.

I have three months and the goal
originally was to trim a minute off of my time, but has since changed to trim closer to two minutes. I really think it can be done and I am doing everything i can do to make it happen.

Le Car

Shit Fuck Damn Hell and anything else I can think of to say. The car hunt has come full stop and I am not much pleased.

To make a long story short...Last week I went to Toyota and wrote a very large check and was told my ride would arrive from another dealership in two days. Two days later I get a call saying there is a snag, but the sales manager is working on it and will call me back. Another day passes with not a peep so I am pissed.

I drive to the dealer intending on picking up the very large check I had written when the sales manager finally decides to get off his country ass and do something. Seems the dealer is not too keen on giving money back - imagine that. So promises were made if I agreed to give them until Monday and that is where it stands.

Still in a nasty rental, still not driving the car of my dreams and still not happy about the entire process. Meh

determined...

The search for the next american idol...err..I mean my next automobile heads into its second week. I did not imagine when I started this process it would prove so very difficult, but what did I know? right!

Anyway after a week of dealing with sleazy dealers I have decided to take a different approach. I am using my besty Internet to aide me in finding my next car and locating the best deal possible. To date I am in contact with at least 10 dealers in hopes of locating something I want for a price that I can live with.

Now the someone special in my life has been very vocal in my choices stating that I need to go cheap, but I want what i want and its balls to the wall on this purchase. The one nasty obstacle that I did not take into account was the japan tsunami and its impact of Japanese automobiles. it seems the shortage in available vehicles has made it very difficult to locate the auto I want and that is causing the extreme delay.

I have set tomorrow er today now as the date to make the final decision and have some cash change hands. granted I may not take possession of my car until the weekend (as it will need to be located and brought here). If I end this day without a deal in place then I don't know what else to do...

Oh well, wish me luck!!

dirty dealers...

It has also been a week of car shopping. I have visited many car lots and been exposed to a slew of those dreaded car dealers. You know the ones - "what is it gonna take to earn your business" and "if we can agree on a price today would you be willing to make a deal."

Uggghhhh to the millionth power!!

Something just plain sneaky and dirty about a car dealer. i don't trust them and I feel dirty after a day of speaking with them - I need a shower just thinking about them.

Anywho, I visited Honda, Chevy, Nissan, Ford, Toyota, VW, Hyundai and even slowed down by a Mazda dealership. It has been a long process as I had not done the research prior to jumping in.

Normally, I would spent two to three months scouring the Internet to zero in on maybe one or two cars I liked. i would schedule a test drive, consult with my bank and compare prices to Internet and other dealers. i do not have the luxury of time to complete a typical type a search so I go to plan B. I visit everyone and look at everything and narrow the field by a process of elimination.

So we come to the last day of the month - they day deemed the best day to purchase a car. A day where any offer will be entertained by the greedy sales managers and customers walk away happy.

I narrowed my selection from four to two by lunch. I had a lovely lunch at Chili's which included a few rounds of beer and I was finally prepared to do battle with the negotiation process.

I decided Toyota had the car I wanted most. The 4runner was to be my next car. I drag a friend along and thankfully the process did not take that long. Toyota was not budging on the price more than a few hundred dollars. i thought WTF? The economy is in the toilet and here I am with cash to spend and they don't budge.

Okay, I will take it in stride and head to the Honda dealer and pick up the 1st runner. This made my third trip to the Honda dealer and they recognized me right off the bat when I came strolling in. Sadly, the salesman i had been working with was with other customers and they stuck me with someone else - I did not like the guy. This process was very short! He had the prices wrong and Honda did not want to budge more than a couple of hundred. Fed up with the process - I said No Deal!

Bottom line - I wanted a car, had cash in hand but returned home with nothing, nada, zilch! The next step - I am unsure.

i want to see if Honda or Toyota calls back over the next few days. If not, then come Monday I start all over again and this time consider buying a used car.

Vile Evil Lazy Geico

It has now been a week since my accident. The insurance company has been dragging their feet and I have been reminding them of it on a daily basis. Today the adjuster actually laid eyes on my damaged car and he pretty much said it would be totaled - I expected as much. However, I need them to make it all official and send me the damn check.

I also am bracing myself for the big fight of them paying too little. The cheap bastards collect for years,but when time comes where I actually need them they scurry like a roach with the light on.

This experience has caused me to rethink my insurance decisions. When this is all said and done i will be dumping Geico and moving my auto insurance needs to USAA. I hav always heard so many good things about USAA auto insurance and even though it is a few dollars more - i think it will be worth it.

I hate car shoppin

in case any of you wonder (as if any will ever read this blog) car shopping SUCKS! I hate it hate it hate it!!

On one side I want to be practical and not have a car payment and on the other side I want some hella ride. So I am torn and that is not good.

the audi Q7 is calling my name, but the practical side is saying Chevy Equinox. The twain shall never meet.

si it is Sunday and I have not a clue as I tool around is a death trap Hyundai rental car -- that may be traded in tomorrow!

boom boom pow...

Went to see Bad Teacher yesterday. The movie was okay, but clearly a movie where the trailers were way funnier than the actual movie. All in all it was not bad.

The evening started out at Outback and a few beers. The movie was at 8pm. Get this! The theater was full -really full and the fat lady two seats next to me took a freaking call during the movie. I am like WTF!! Who is so inconsiderate to take a fucking call while the movie is playing. I would have said something, but she was quiet and quick! People!!

On the drive home my friend and I debated which direction to drive. There is some big event going on on the beach that is suppose to impact traffic. I made the decision to take the main drag. I turned on Hwy 90 got up to about 40-45Mph then it happened!

I remember seeing the brown door (in actuality the car was dark grey) my friend said, "Oh my God" and I knew we were going to hit. I gripped the steering wheel and started to put my foot on the break and impact. My head whipped back and forth - a hard slam on the headrest and the car stopped about twenty or so feet from the point of impact.

It all happened in the split of a second. We sat there so quiet post-impact. I checked and asked my passenger, "are you okay?" we were both shaken up and in some state of shock. I looked across and say the other car in the median and people at the nearby hotel parking lot were coming around.

Some guy came to the car door asking if we were okay. I then saw the people from the other car out and writhing on the ground. I heard someone say 911was phoned and in a few minutes rescue and the police were there.

Never having been in an accident I was not sure what would come next and I did not ask many questions. My hands were shaking when I handed the cop my information and I started doing the math between the beer with dinner and the amount of time after.

There was another automobile involved and I am not sure how they were involved. I think they may gave been the one at fault. We are guessing the other car ran into the back of the grey car pushing it into traffic where I hit it. The driver of the grey car was arrested as he was under the influence.

The disturbing part was that we were on one side of the highway, grey car in the middle and the other auto down the road a bit. A group of people (who obviously knew the drunk driver) were within feet of us and kept making some comments that I did not appreciate. Fucking inbred retards and all. They were fussing that the other driver was arrested and that no one else was tested for alcohol. WTF was that trashy bitch going on about.

Anyway, it looks like my car was totalled and that I will be doing a bit of car shopping once I hear back from my insurance company. I am not looking forward to that...

Goupings

The work world is divided into several different type of people. I was going to name just three but after much thought (about 30 seconds) I decided to leave the number open for later interpretation. So i will describe only the ones that immediately come to mind.

(superhero) The first group of co-workers is the ones who I hold in the highest respect. These are the people who know their shit and try to share what they know. the work until the job is done and not just until their shift has ended. these are people who problem solve, fight for what is right and overall set the bar for the rest of us. this is the person I want to be and to date only two people I have ever worked with fit this bill. Sad but true.

(Town Hero) The next type has clinical expertise and does not use it to make others feel bad. They work very hard but sometimes take a shift off. This is usually the employee that would be a superhero, but the evil forces work against him/her and make them not want to go that extra mile. this employee studies all the time to make them self better and never is caught up in office politics. he is the clark kent and never the superman. I feel like I fit in this group.

(Bystander) Our next group works hard enough but never does anything very special. they have streak where they shine bright and then gaps where they disappear. They are proficient at their job and do not mind learning, but would never dream of doing it on their own. this group makes good foot soldiers but horrible leaders. they may have good social skills and may even get placed in a leadership role where their flaws are highlighted. They are better suited for the subordinate role. Not that they are bad people, some have families and that is their priority and that is good but they have limited skills in helping the group to grow.

(Star Me) This group projects. They have big personalities and always have an opinion. They front as the leader and tell everyone how their technical knowledge is higher than everyone Else's. However, you can pull at the threads and their whole act comes apart without much effort. this group intimidates the newbies but works behind the scene to discredit the superhero and town hero. they become dangerous because they only look out after their own best interest.

(Burnout) This group has been around the block and back. They may have been a superhero at one point but time has taken its toll. they have knowledge but it may not be that recent. they still think they captain the ship and the only threats they perceive are the newbies. They have confrontations and they fight for power in the fleeting days of their careers. This is the toothless lion. sure it may roar but it cannot really hurt you.

(Newbie on) this group is new with fresh ideas and willing to jump in the mix. They have studies hard and want to contribute. They can endure the burnout and the star me and learn so much from the superhero and town hero. Given the right guidance the Newbie on will develope into the superhero if he/she can master and overcome the other obstacles in the way.

(Newbie fragile) this is the new staffer that skimmed through school and is fraught with fear. they are very delicate and need proper guidance. The burnout can crush this staffer and the star me can turn this one into his/her slave. this one hardly ever ends well and becomes the feeder staff for those negative influences in tour unit.

An Un-friend..

I have been facebook hopping out of utter boredom!

I am not a big Facebook fanatic and I really try to limit friends to a small group. However, lately some extended family members have been making friend requests - I am not thrilled about that!! What is next, my mother making a friend request, ewwwwwww. I would shut down my account and toss my laptop in the closest body of water.

Anyway, I did the standard facebook stalk. Searched people from high school, who all look horribly old and fat now. I then searched my old work from pre-military life. I found loads of people that I have worked with there.

I then glanced at some pages of current co-workers. Not that many to see here. The one thing that stands out is that I really don't share much with people I work with.

Take my last job, I was there four years and maybe have five facebook friends from there and there were probably 80 to 90 people I worked with on a regular basis. My jobs since I have not a single facebook friend. COT zero! Now in the real military again ZERO.

I may be slightly anit-social or I prefer to keep my distance from people. It makes me wonder some things about myself and why I prefer not to get too close to others. The big thing is - I do not see it changing anytime soon. I prefer to keep a safe distance plus it is difficult for me to find people I have things in common with..

For example, the people I work with now are all married with children. I never plan to be married and not a big fan of children so there is not way to connect with those people. Plus, I think I am focused in different areas than many of them. I try to fit in, but not at the expense of changing who I am.

It is way late and I have wasted way too much time playing online in a blatant attempt to avoid working on other things I should be doing..

Heat Lose. LOL!!

There are a handful of people in this world who I have ZERO respect for and on of those is Lebron James. A self-centered MF who thinks the world should bow down to him. he feel somehow entitled to receive everything and give nothing.

My distaste for him began a few years back when The Cavs lost to the Magic and instead of walking out and shaking hands with the Magic like a man he scurried off to the locker win. Coward!

Last year he snubbed the one city that kissed his ass in his efforts to chase a ring. thinking he and wade were guaranteed to win championship after championship. Well, you choked again!

maybe its you and not your surrounding cast! Any way I love the fact that you lost yet again and I hope you never see a ring on your finger! You POS!

The topper was tonight when again you lost. Wade was out shaking hands and James was tucking his tail in his dress and running for the locker room. What a PUSSY!!

Odd couplings...

Just read an email from a friend from back in Florida. Not an extremely close friend, but we do keep in touch from time to time. However, it got me to thinking. See, this friend is a female and she is - well - not very attractive. In fact, she is downright ugly and so out of shape. Her husband however is what most would say is a very attractive man.

Yes, I can say a man is attractive and not be a homosexual. Rob is by every measure attractive and I would think he could do so much better than he has. Sharon, while not a looker is very nice and very thoughtful and I like her well enough - I just cannot see what Rob sees in her.

I think everyone knows a couple where the two just don't go together. one is way better looking, way smarter or way better than their mate. I guess some people really do not put much stock in looks or they just settle and don't feel much like searching for an equally attractive mate.

I can understand a hot young female marrying an ugly man with money. she is ensuring her financial security in exchange for her company. hell, makes 'em sound like whores. Well, if the show fits!

By and large most couples look about the same level. a 5 marries another five or you get a 4 and a 6, but a 4 and a 9 just look odd together and makes me always think one got extremely lucky or just plain settled. And then there are are the women who start out hot but get fat and dumpy while the guy continues to keep himself up.

I have seen the flip side of that occur as well where the woman looks hot and the dude gets all beer belly and disgusting. But you are married and its suppose to be for better or worse. Even if you find your mate unfuckable? Hmmm.

I guess its a good thing I will never get married.

Plod..

Well, it appears to be 0350 in the morning and sleep has escaped my grasp. I hate the nights when I cannot sleep when I want to sleep. I think it is all the flipping from days to nights or it could be the pot of coffee I drank about three hours ago - either way i am wide awake and not in a very productive mood.

I need to be productive, but every now and then I need to just veg out and do nothing. I consider it my way of recharging my brain. it needs all the recharging it can get these days.

Actually, my head is swimming with plans for the rest of this year and next. I don't know why I have to always be planning and plotting for the next great thing. i think I have always been this way. Plus, it keeps my thoughts engaged and leaves less time to dwell on all the things that have me underwhelmed at work.

See, I attempt to focus on those things that can challenge me so that the mundane everyday work schedule does not mire me down in bitter town. Speaking of which, I need to rope in my attitude. I have been voicing much bitterness lately and it only takes one buys body to run blabbing my discontent to lead me to trouble. the next four weeks that can prove to be an extreme challenge - deep breath! Exhale!

Sp plod along I will and try ever so hard to present a professional demeanor. i got to shut off my real feelings and move ahead as I know very soon the landscape will change. I am looking forward to the change.

Buzzing all around...

Driving into work this morning i could not help but be distracted by all the activity on base. It is a Monday so most everyone had their blues on. I am not the biggest fan of the blues, but today it seemed okay.

Here it was a little after 0600 and I see people all over the place. Airmen coming in and out of the gym, running on the track, walking all over the place.

Our base is a large teaching base and we always have large numbers of young men and women from all the other branches here for tech school. So, in the mornings it is common to see groups of Navy and Army service men and women running and doing some goo old fashion PT. It is easy to spot the marines (if around) because they all seem to be in much better shape than the rest of the services.

I am always a wee bit happier when I drive through the fron gates of my base. It really feels like a city all to itself and lets me forget that I am stuck in the armpit of the south - if for only a fleeting moment.

Just one of the happier moments in my week!

Running in the ground..

I went for a run the other night. The air was humid and hot, like most nights here in Mississippi. I was listening to Adele on my Ipod and just sort of lost myself for a little while. that is until i started sucking air and felt like I was close to death.

did I ever mention that running was not my thing? I try to get better but it just does not seem to take. Oh well, I will adjust.

Enough about my failed attempts at being a runner.

Reality Check

American Idol is ovah! Thank God! I stopped watching after Pia got the boot when it became painfully obvious that voters were overrun with ignorant teenagers and creepy folks from North carolina.

I hear on the news this morning that that talentless child won and I am so thankful that I did not waste another minute watching the hideous program. It had been touted as the most talented final group, but the voting did not support those who had the most talent.

Moving over to Dancing with the stars. I watched ten minutes here and there and really thought that cute Disney girl had it in the bag. She was beautiful, sweet and could dance. If she did not win I thought maybe Kristie Alley - never did I see Hines Ward winning. Score another one for the fucktards who vote on these stupid ass programs! Seriously, Hines ward?? Fucking dumbass Americans!!

I spent my evening sleeping but woke up in time to watch Modern Family (love that show)! One of the few programs that does not let me down! So I think it is safer to avoid all reality television and stick with sitcoms.

Almost forgot the biggest gag I heard yesterday. Kim kardasian - that hair fucking useless bitch is engaged. How the fuck does that hairy bitch get so much television time? She has no talent and if you look close at her face her features resemble Avatar characters. However, I read she is worth over 50 million bucks.WTF!!!

Now she is engaged to some basketball player. Yea that will last! The minute he gets cut and the paychecks stop coming in and he has to learn to read is when that relationship hits the skids!
Fucktards!!

Hurt

It fizzled and died and left me in a heaving lump on the field next to the track.

That is right, today was my PFA and it hurt. The good is that I came so very close to maxing out on the sit ups and push ups. The bad news was that everything else was horrible. My waist was within, but should be better. My weight was way over and will be better and my run was not as good as I had hoped. The bottom line is that I passed,but my performance was nothing to be proud of.

Where do I go from here? I work hard and get into better shape so that the next test I bang out and post numbers that I am actually proud of. No, this is not an empty promise that goes by the way side a few weeks later - I am in this to prove a point.

Adjusting?

damn I am tired. The sort of tired that makes everything around me seem all blah blah blah. the tired where you cannot concentrate on anything. So the prospect of studying is out the window.

I remain on the new eating plan and it seems to be going along okay, but I do not think I am at the point where I have totally adjusted. The funny thing about my new life is that I am always in a state of adjustment and readjustment. I also find that the older I get the harder it seems to adjust smoothly.

I am sore from working out and I know my muscles ache a little with the new food limitations. However, I am dropping pounds! Sweet!

Well, I better hit the books again! Ugghh!

Worlds Colliding via Facebook

i am having issues with facebook. Mind you, I am not devoted to it like some people I know, but i do check it every week or so. I sometimes put photos on and recently added a face shot (yikes).

My issue is with friend requests. Originally I only had a very few friends from work and that was okay. I added my brother and that is when things got sticky! Other family members started sending requests. some of these people I have not seen for ages and I was okay with that. These are people I have not kept up with and who don't have any Idea whats going on in my life.

A few weeks back I received a request from one of those long lost relatives and i accepted the request. Lo and behold she started filling up the wall with Jesus ramblings. OMG! So, I had to unfriend her as I was not going to be subjected to her religious ramblings. I have a friend now that posts a million farmville things and she is teetering on the unfriend list.

The thing is I have separate components of my life. there are casual work friends, closer friends, extended family and close family and i like keeping all the areas separate. It makes me happy to have those distinct lines. There are things about me that only close friends know and I don't want to share information unilaterally across all sections of people.

So now I receive yet another friend request from another long lost relative. My brother accepted this relatives request while I let it sit there unanswered and not sure exactly what i should do.

I feel like that Seinfeld episode where George's worlds are colliding. Independent George doesn't like it!

Ripping the wings off of flies...

Ever get irritated? Find yourself in a state where almost every little little detail of your life makes you crazy? I am right in that position at the moment and it is not making me a fun boy.

The reduction in calories (aka evil diet) is in day three and as part of the routine I weigh and measure and record every wee tiny calorie I ingest. Day one I had 1300 calories and day two right at 1500 plus I ran three miles and drank like a billion glasses of water. I weighed yesterday and was pleased, but today the weight returned. I know its most likely water weight and by the weeks end it should all even out, but it still pisses me off!

Work people are pissing me off. Being new and working with those who just don't have the same level of skill is wearing on my nerves a bit. Especially, when I hear these people referred to as "go to people". Go to for what? Wrong answers. Blank stares. Not exactly the resources i am use to and that is frustrating me!

This horrid city is irritating me. The heat, the bugs, the filthy people and having no signs of culture are much to take. I cannot believe I have x-number of years left in this shit hole!

I hate my car! I want a new one, but I can't get one just yet and that frustrates the hell out of me. I am having all these urges to buy all these things and I know that is a symptom of my misery.

I am trying to focus on some studies and some additional projects to get my mind off my utter misery, but it has not settled in yet.

One Step at a time...

I started a new diet plan to coincide with this app i purchased on the old Ipad. My New Diary allows me to keep track of what I eat and plan to lose the amount that I need to fit into all the crap in my closet.

My new scheme is to eat every four hours while awake. Each meal will be between 200 to 500 calories without any snacking in between. This way i am never more than four hours from a meal (except while sleeping).

Yesterday was my first full day and I did well. I even ate out at a restaurant for dinner. I ended up with around 1500 calories and drank about 146 glasses of water, but it is a start.

I figure that i need to start a diet ASAP since my PFT is around the corner and there is no way in hell I will pass it. I think they allow 42 days to retake it and I am planning on the retake now instead of waiting for next week. My goal is to smoke the test the next time - fingers crossed!

In COT I scored 86 and 89, just a smidge away from 90 (excellent) so for the retake my goal is a 90 or better. I think that will keep me safe for an entire year. Not sure since it will be a retake, but one can dream.

I have been in the dumps all week worrying about the test and the mandatory PT that will follow when a friend of mine told me, "just do your best and whatever happens, happens." It sounds simple and I guess he was right. I have been stressed and it is doing me no good at all and apparently irritating my friends.

Maybe the mandatory PT will do me some good. Maybe I will find the motivation to keep my fitness in check once and for all. I did join the military, in part, because of the fitness standards. So now is the time for me to walk the walk!