parents and yuck..

It has been a while and I decided to call my mother today.  I have not called her in a while and the pangs of guilt were beginning to become difficult to ignore.  Anyway, i called her and could easily note a chill in her voice.

Here is the deal!  My mother expects me to call her like once a week.  i work and have a fucked up schedule so i do not always have the time or the patience to call her as often as she wishes.  she could call me every once and a while, but not her.

Plus, it can be painful to talk to my mother on the phone.  She is hard of hearing and I tend to speak "muffled" as she likes to complain.  Also, she has a bad habit of never listening even when she can hear.
A typical conversation:

Mom:  "What type are you looking to buy?"

Me:  "I am thinking about ...(before I can finish)

Mom:   "Did you look at the Honda?  The lady down the road bought one and blah blah blah"

She loves to ask questions and then interrupt before you can answer and seconds later she starts asking more questions.  Thirty minutes later my head hurts and i am wishing I had never called her.

don't get me wrong I do love my mother - I just don't have much to talk to her about.  My father even less.  I get shit from my mother about my father and that causes some tension between us.

My father was never much of a father and i managed to live my entire life very ambivalent towards his very existence.  Sure I will call on birthdays and make small talk when I see him, but I never really had much to do with him and he never wanted anything to do with me so a connection was never established.

There were even times he was down right cruel and much of my youth was spent resenting him.  I think one of my goals in life was to be exactly the opposite of him in every way I could and I think that I have achieved that task.

I am not one of those people who blame everything on the parents.  In fact, I believe once you can get away from the parental control is when you are truly responsible for your own happiness.  I can honestly say that i survived my childhood and have become an adult that neither of my parents can take credit for..my values, loyalty and character had nothing to do with them and if I ever have children I will not let them have any contact with my child.

Ouch, this rant has turned a little dark and with that I say good night.