Stand offish, aloof, loner and unsocial...i have been described as all of these things over the years. usually people tell me that was their initial impression of me, but later change once they have gotten to know me better.
See I have a difficult time getting to know people. I can be extremely shy and just don't take to that many people. I guess it is some sort of defense mechanism but it does get in the way of making actual friends. Some of it can be attributed to the nomadic nature of past career choices, but the roots of it go on way before that.
i can talk to people and be social, but I have limited ability for small talk. In fact, I can talk about the weather, sports and maybe some recent news event and then I am out. I guess it goes along with my minimal attention span, but the awkward pauses that accompany some interactions are just more than I can bear ..so i bail from dull conversations.
Sometimes I try to stick around a bit too long when I find people I can converse with, but I start to feel a bit creepy for hanging about too long.
I am also very secretive with my personal life. I am one of the only unmarried people in all of the military (maybe a tad bit of an exaggeration - but not too far from the truth) and don't have much in common with married persons with homes bursting with children. I date but don't really share details of that and would feel uneasy doing so.
Sometimes it does bother me that I have a difficult time making friends and can feel isolated from everyone else. However, even when I make efforts - it just does not get any better. so maybe I am the creepy guy that everyone works with. I might be the person that everyone talks about when I am not in the room. Its possible and it does not seem likely to change.
Making the military my career it is something I have to take into account as I attempt to move up in ranks. I am not a people person and you need to be to step into higher administrative position. So, I have to look into more technical/skilled roles to avert the whole lacking of social skills. Lets face it, I am not going to develop impressive social skills no matter how much effort i put into it. I can dazzle with my abilities and avoid the whole social expectations altogether.
No comments:
Post a Comment