441..

Two things...First I lied...I am going to talk about the person some and second I am getting tired of worrying about my pronouns.  The person who is all up under my skin is a guy.  There I said it and now to let the rest go.

My mind was clear and I had worked myself up into this twisted back and forth that did not exist.  I was growing more attracted to me but I was just someone he was being nice to.

I got my head straight and a few days ago I went to work and everything was great.  We joked around had fun and I did not care what happened after that - I felt a bit relieved.  Now I am still very into him, but I could keep it there and go about my day.

Then yesterday we all had a good day at work.  I was really enjoying myself without the worrying if I was falling for him and other garbage that makes me nuts.  Later that day he came up and put his arm around me.  I felt my breath just go away and my knees actually got weak.  He was talking but I did not hear him.  I remember closing my eyes and just wanting so very badly to fall into him and just stay there.

He had his arm around me for the longest time and I was totally speechless.  I did not see this coming at all.  I mean every cell in my body wanted him to hold me and no matter what I told myself there was no denying that it felt like heaven and a place I never wanted to leave.

Well shit!  Here I thought I have my head together and then this happens.  I did recover and things returned to normal.  He does pat shoulders, and horseplay all the time but this was a lot more contact.  I never ever initiate any type of touch as I attempt to keep my distance...whew...

I am not changing my focus.  I am going to work to keep this just what it is, a friendship.  I just have to be prepared for the effect he has on me and not be caught off my guard again.