438..

So a few days have passed and things seems strangely calm.  I stopped avoiding the person and stopped getting all worked up about the mood of the conversations.  I can tell that there are some changes in our interactions since I tried the ignore approach.  Things seems friendly but no flirty.  I think this is a better place to be.

I am gonna put this particular topic to be unless there is an extreme reversal in the nature or tone of our relationship.  Time to move on to more important things and stop dwelling on what is not to be.

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I am in a major rut and it is still so early in the deployment.  I keep telling myself that I need to run or do something that is sort of active.  At about 0100 I walked to the port-a-potty to uh well do what you do there and I saw people running.  Not just people but guys.  They were running in pairs and it made me think about not really having anyone here I would qualify as a friend.  There is not a soul here I would feel comfortable asking if they wanted to take a run after work.  I am always that lone wolf.

I had thought about my lone status the other night.  I was off by myself reading and studying for the next class/test and everyone else was playing and laughing.  I read.  

So much of my time this past year has been in preparing for the next step.  I have a few more tests to take but everything should be wrapped up by early September and then the waiting begins.  

I am not sure how I will handle the waiting..that last 2-3 months.  What happens if I am not selected?  What do I do next?  Do I refocus and reload for the following year or do I take a completely different path.  I have been thinking a lot about that.  I guess before I leave this place I will have a clearer understanding of what I will do.