Seven little week stand between me and the great unknown. Actually, I have attempted to read and familiarize myself with what will be expected of me as much as possible. I have taken the steps to make more known about the unknown. However, there are many many things that remain out of my reach and I will just have to cross those bridges when I come to them.
I am excited to get there and know that the time will evaporate before I know it. Time moves as fast or slow as it wants depending on what is on the other side. At work on a slow day time moves at a snails pace. When you are busy is does double time - but is always marches on, with or without any deference to our preferences.
Fears are peeking in from time to time. "Can I make my weight?" "Am I too old to even be doing this?" " Hell, will I be the oldest one there?" "Can I pass my PT?"
The overwhelming fear that all these can be filed under is will I stand out - but in a bad way? Oh like here is the old guy coming in overweight and out of shape dragging his flight down. Yikes? Well, do I think that WILL happen - no! However, irrational fears are well irrational and we can do little to make them pack up and move on.
Another of the fears that sits right in the back of my mind is the ropes course. It is some type of course that is completed forty feet in the air. Now I am terrified of heights and the photos of the course send me into fits of terror. Bur I am determined to somehow get through that! I may piss myself and be forever scarred by the trauma and humiliation but I will complete it of stroke out.
Seven week to develop a balance between neurosis and confidence. To find a balance and a face to wear to make all others there believe that I belong. I know most of us there will be scared and facing similar fears, but I don't find any comfort in their fear or the commonality of the experience.
There was a television show where one of the characters asked the main character the following:
"What makes your problems so much more important than everyone else's?"
Answer, "Because they are mine."
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