Today is a day of rest. Shin splints have forced me to take it easy today and maybe check out a movie. I will be having some nasty buttered popcorn and pay the price later.
Six weeks! Wow! Here we go!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
6:1
Okay, yesterday was a total failure - big time! I went to Target to buy an external memory that their website stated they had plenty of, but didn't. So I bought food and all the wrong kind. I then went on to eat all the wrong kind of food all day long. Sometimes I cannot stop myself.
I had a good run yesterday although the time was really off and my weight was up three pounds from the day before. I know this is still carry over from the holiday, but I am getting to the point of being worried.
Tomorrow marks six weeks and I am going at the problem a little differently. Two meals a day and strict calorie count and no more beer (even on special occasions). I gotta get at it.
What makes me sick is friends of mine who can literally eat everything and have a hard time gaining weight. Sadly, I know several of these sort of people and they so cannot understand my issue with weight. Whatever! If there is a God they will be way fat one day.
I had a good run yesterday although the time was really off and my weight was up three pounds from the day before. I know this is still carry over from the holiday, but I am getting to the point of being worried.
Tomorrow marks six weeks and I am going at the problem a little differently. Two meals a day and strict calorie count and no more beer (even on special occasions). I gotta get at it.
What makes me sick is friends of mine who can literally eat everything and have a hard time gaining weight. Sadly, I know several of these sort of people and they so cannot understand my issue with weight. Whatever! If there is a God they will be way fat one day.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
6:2 (6 weeks: 2 days)
Now I am ready! My final post Thanksgiving/holiday/fried thing/beer soaked meal is behind me and now I am ready to get to business. My weight has fluctuated the last three weeks and now is go time!
For the next six weeks and two days there will be no beer (gasp), not chips of any kind (sniff) and starches - forget about it! I am going all hard core and am in it to win it and any other motivational saying I can remember at this early ass time of the morning.
I am one of those people who needs to get the head the right and then I can remained with a sort of tunnel vision. Once I find my groove I can easily eschew pies, laugh off any offers of fried things and laugh in the face of a lovely cold draft Sam Adams- hmmm okay not quite there yet, but I am working on it!
How sad am I when the thought of a frosty been sounds good at 0550? I cannot help it - I LOVE BEER!! I have never been a wine guy and hard liquor gets me into all sorts of trouble and I avoid it, but beer is my BFF.
Well, for the next 6 weeks me and beer are breaking up! We are seeing other people. I may have a cold frosty one the night before I hit COT, but only if I have earned a few pounds to spare.
I was at Target yesterday _ I know black Friday and all. Anyway, they had t-shirts for $1.98 that read - "Train to Win". I figure it was a sign to get my ass in gear, so I bought two of them!
For the next six weeks and two days there will be no beer (gasp), not chips of any kind (sniff) and starches - forget about it! I am going all hard core and am in it to win it and any other motivational saying I can remember at this early ass time of the morning.
I am one of those people who needs to get the head the right and then I can remained with a sort of tunnel vision. Once I find my groove I can easily eschew pies, laugh off any offers of fried things and laugh in the face of a lovely cold draft Sam Adams- hmmm okay not quite there yet, but I am working on it!
How sad am I when the thought of a frosty been sounds good at 0550? I cannot help it - I LOVE BEER!! I have never been a wine guy and hard liquor gets me into all sorts of trouble and I avoid it, but beer is my BFF.
Well, for the next 6 weeks me and beer are breaking up! We are seeing other people. I may have a cold frosty one the night before I hit COT, but only if I have earned a few pounds to spare.
I was at Target yesterday _ I know black Friday and all. Anyway, they had t-shirts for $1.98 that read - "Train to Win". I figure it was a sign to get my ass in gear, so I bought two of them!
Friday, November 26, 2010
6:3
Thanksgiving is in the rearview mirror and it is full ahead towards Christmas and New Years. I am almost at the six week point and worry is seeping into my noggin! I am worried about everything, but mostly worried about weight. I have not allowed myself to weigh the last three days but will weigh in today after my run. There is no more time for excuses - I have to get things in gear.
I am planning to hit the base next week for uniforms. Wow! Seems strange to even put that into print.
I am planning to hit the base next week for uniforms. Wow! Seems strange to even put that into print.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I Hate Running...
Running is not ingrained into by genetic DNA. I have to work hard at motivating myself to run and in getting better at the act of running. To date, I am a bad runner. I have been at it for more than a year now and have made little if any improvements beyond the initial six months.
The process of joiningg the military as a commissioned officer is a long one and has been in the works for about two years. When I had the first inkling about entering military service I was badly out of shape and decided to develop a plan.
I needed to lose weight before I even attempted to run. I think my goal was forty pounds and I would start running when I reached that goal. I dropped the forty pounds but I was way too embarrassed to run outside because I sucked at running and I was a pasty white. I wanted to look slim, tanned and like someone who was training for a marathon - yea right!
My fears made me delay my running debut for another few months and I was able to drop another twenty pounds. However, the day came when I would put on the trainers, set my watch and hit the roads.
I located this trail near where I was staying. This helped as I would not have to run streets and be seen by everyone. So, it offerred a little more privacy. I found a tanning place and browned up a little bit and bought some appropriate shorts that were not tiny running shorts but allowed air to get to the important spots while I ran.
Day one! I walk towards the trail, but as soon as I get to within sight of the trail I see tons of high school aged kids and what looks like their keepers all on the trail. I immediately turned around and headed home. My running debut would have to come on a day when the trail was less crowded.
Two days later I returned to the trail, but this time I drove the short distance. No crowds of teenagers, not much in the way of people were in sight. This would be the day. The beginning of my new running endeavor where I would run, get better ina short time and travel the states competing in marathons and becoming a world renowned runner the likes of that would resonate throughout history.
The trail was a 2.5 mile trail with hills and turns and uneven all over the place. I found a starting spot, stretched for a full five seconds, started the stopwatch function on my watch and was off.
I figured I would start slowly and build up my speed after the first mile and sprint at the end. It was a plan, I thought a sound plan, but something happened. Pain, gasping for air and overwhelming failure. I had run about 1/4 of a mile (if that) and needed to stop, walk and catch my breath.
So, change in plans. I would catch my breath and return to the original plan. I started running again. Pain, gasping for air and frustration returned and I stopped to walk again. I repeated this pattern for the entire 2.5 miles and when all was said and done my overall time was a blistering thirty plus minutes. Yea. My running needed some work!
It took months before I could finish the 2.5 miles without stopping and even then there would be days where I had to stop and walk a bit. This very week I stopped and walked during one of my runs, but that is more related to my attempting to run faster and not just finish the course.
Running is not organic to me and I still strive to get better. No, I will not be competing in any marathons or half marathons. My goals are way scaled back now. I dream of finishing the 1.5 miles in COT within 13 minutes (dare to dream) and maybe be able to complete the required 5K second to last. Anything but finishing last will be a moral victory for me!
The process of joiningg the military as a commissioned officer is a long one and has been in the works for about two years. When I had the first inkling about entering military service I was badly out of shape and decided to develop a plan.
I needed to lose weight before I even attempted to run. I think my goal was forty pounds and I would start running when I reached that goal. I dropped the forty pounds but I was way too embarrassed to run outside because I sucked at running and I was a pasty white. I wanted to look slim, tanned and like someone who was training for a marathon - yea right!
My fears made me delay my running debut for another few months and I was able to drop another twenty pounds. However, the day came when I would put on the trainers, set my watch and hit the roads.
I located this trail near where I was staying. This helped as I would not have to run streets and be seen by everyone. So, it offerred a little more privacy. I found a tanning place and browned up a little bit and bought some appropriate shorts that were not tiny running shorts but allowed air to get to the important spots while I ran.
Day one! I walk towards the trail, but as soon as I get to within sight of the trail I see tons of high school aged kids and what looks like their keepers all on the trail. I immediately turned around and headed home. My running debut would have to come on a day when the trail was less crowded.
Two days later I returned to the trail, but this time I drove the short distance. No crowds of teenagers, not much in the way of people were in sight. This would be the day. The beginning of my new running endeavor where I would run, get better ina short time and travel the states competing in marathons and becoming a world renowned runner the likes of that would resonate throughout history.
The trail was a 2.5 mile trail with hills and turns and uneven all over the place. I found a starting spot, stretched for a full five seconds, started the stopwatch function on my watch and was off.
I figured I would start slowly and build up my speed after the first mile and sprint at the end. It was a plan, I thought a sound plan, but something happened. Pain, gasping for air and overwhelming failure. I had run about 1/4 of a mile (if that) and needed to stop, walk and catch my breath.
So, change in plans. I would catch my breath and return to the original plan. I started running again. Pain, gasping for air and frustration returned and I stopped to walk again. I repeated this pattern for the entire 2.5 miles and when all was said and done my overall time was a blistering thirty plus minutes. Yea. My running needed some work!
It took months before I could finish the 2.5 miles without stopping and even then there would be days where I had to stop and walk a bit. This very week I stopped and walked during one of my runs, but that is more related to my attempting to run faster and not just finish the course.
Running is not organic to me and I still strive to get better. No, I will not be competing in any marathons or half marathons. My goals are way scaled back now. I dream of finishing the 1.5 miles in COT within 13 minutes (dare to dream) and maybe be able to complete the required 5K second to last. Anything but finishing last will be a moral victory for me!
Seven 7:0
Seven little week stand between me and the great unknown. Actually, I have attempted to read and familiarize myself with what will be expected of me as much as possible. I have taken the steps to make more known about the unknown. However, there are many many things that remain out of my reach and I will just have to cross those bridges when I come to them.
I am excited to get there and know that the time will evaporate before I know it. Time moves as fast or slow as it wants depending on what is on the other side. At work on a slow day time moves at a snails pace. When you are busy is does double time - but is always marches on, with or without any deference to our preferences.
Fears are peeking in from time to time. "Can I make my weight?" "Am I too old to even be doing this?" " Hell, will I be the oldest one there?" "Can I pass my PT?"
The overwhelming fear that all these can be filed under is will I stand out - but in a bad way? Oh like here is the old guy coming in overweight and out of shape dragging his flight down. Yikes? Well, do I think that WILL happen - no! However, irrational fears are well irrational and we can do little to make them pack up and move on.
Another of the fears that sits right in the back of my mind is the ropes course. It is some type of course that is completed forty feet in the air. Now I am terrified of heights and the photos of the course send me into fits of terror. Bur I am determined to somehow get through that! I may piss myself and be forever scarred by the trauma and humiliation but I will complete it of stroke out.
Seven week to develop a balance between neurosis and confidence. To find a balance and a face to wear to make all others there believe that I belong. I know most of us there will be scared and facing similar fears, but I don't find any comfort in their fear or the commonality of the experience.
There was a television show where one of the characters asked the main character the following:
"What makes your problems so much more important than everyone else's?"
Answer, "Because they are mine."
I am excited to get there and know that the time will evaporate before I know it. Time moves as fast or slow as it wants depending on what is on the other side. At work on a slow day time moves at a snails pace. When you are busy is does double time - but is always marches on, with or without any deference to our preferences.
Fears are peeking in from time to time. "Can I make my weight?" "Am I too old to even be doing this?" " Hell, will I be the oldest one there?" "Can I pass my PT?"
The overwhelming fear that all these can be filed under is will I stand out - but in a bad way? Oh like here is the old guy coming in overweight and out of shape dragging his flight down. Yikes? Well, do I think that WILL happen - no! However, irrational fears are well irrational and we can do little to make them pack up and move on.
Another of the fears that sits right in the back of my mind is the ropes course. It is some type of course that is completed forty feet in the air. Now I am terrified of heights and the photos of the course send me into fits of terror. Bur I am determined to somehow get through that! I may piss myself and be forever scarred by the trauma and humiliation but I will complete it of stroke out.
Seven week to develop a balance between neurosis and confidence. To find a balance and a face to wear to make all others there believe that I belong. I know most of us there will be scared and facing similar fears, but I don't find any comfort in their fear or the commonality of the experience.
There was a television show where one of the characters asked the main character the following:
"What makes your problems so much more important than everyone else's?"
Answer, "Because they are mine."
Saturday, November 20, 2010
7:2
Yea!! The weight was a happy number on my weigh in last night! Now I have a hard working weekend of running and exercise to trim off as many pounds as possible!
Yesterday, the 11-01 COT finished up and that means 11-02 is on the clock. So with a little over 7 weeks left I have some work to do!
Yesterday, the 11-01 COT finished up and that means 11-02 is on the clock. So with a little over 7 weeks left I have some work to do!
Friday, November 19, 2010
7:3
Talk about taking steps backward....I weigh daily and yesterday we just added another pound to the party. Okay, so maybe it is water as I was drinking my diet Dr Pepper just before leaving work and prior to climbing on the scale so I will not officially freak out just yet. However, there is a five pound difference since Monday and in the wrong direction.
My weight jumps around so much it is not even funny. So this weekend is going to be the supreme test of my resolve. I am off Saturday, Sunday and Monday. For those three days I am going into full gear. Which means I will wake up every morning and complete practice PT. That will be sit ups, push ups and running. I have yet to attempt to max out on any of them and by doing them each day I think it will give me a good indication on where I need to make improvements.
Also, I have to eat a little more responsibly. I need to his a certain number by December 1st and I have been moving in the wrong direction. So this weekend will help me get on the right track. This is going to be a fight to the wire with this whole weight thing..
My weight jumps around so much it is not even funny. So this weekend is going to be the supreme test of my resolve. I am off Saturday, Sunday and Monday. For those three days I am going into full gear. Which means I will wake up every morning and complete practice PT. That will be sit ups, push ups and running. I have yet to attempt to max out on any of them and by doing them each day I think it will give me a good indication on where I need to make improvements.
Also, I have to eat a little more responsibly. I need to his a certain number by December 1st and I have been moving in the wrong direction. So this weekend will help me get on the right track. This is going to be a fight to the wire with this whole weight thing..
Thursday, November 18, 2010
7:4
I have hit a lull. A snag or maybe a wall! Yesterday's weigh in was less than spectacular and in fact was three pounds up. Yikes! I am going the wrong way. However, that can be attributed to the excessive eating and drinking I have been doing the past few days. So today marks a new beginning, a commitment to doing the right thing. I still have a goal to reach by December 1st and I need to work very hard to meet it.
I need the December 1st goal because I need to lose a set amount of weight in December. I want to toll in the new year by making my weight. Lofty goals! However, I need to get it done!. So no more beer, chips, dip, or all the other fatty stuff.
Today begins day one!
I need the December 1st goal because I need to lose a set amount of weight in December. I want to toll in the new year by making my weight. Lofty goals! However, I need to get it done!. So no more beer, chips, dip, or all the other fatty stuff.
Today begins day one!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
7:5
Been a rough couple of days! Monday, I had dinner with a friend and we proceeded to drink way too much and that led to a miserable Tuesday where I did not run or exercise any. It is a pretty rare thing these days where I do not do at least one of the requirements of the PT test.
On days that I work I don't run, but I will do sit ups or push ups. I have been alternating the sit ups and push ups as I am over the minimum limits and right up to the max for my age bracket.
My diet was trashed yesterday. I ate about four cookies, had some chips, dip and a few other things that were very bad for me - but I need one of those days every now and then. I am a little worried with a little over seven weeks left and I have still weight to get off. I keep thinking in my mind that it will all come off with two weeks to spare, but I gotta keep working!!
On a very bright spot! I have twenty days remaining at work! Sweet! On the really bad side the last six days are consecutive! Yikes!!
I am hoping to get my uniforms fitted just after Thanksgiving and pick them up after my last shift, on my way out of town! If everything works out as planned! Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
My recruiter is send me some papers that required correction - so I am still not in the system until everything is corrected and submitted.
On days that I work I don't run, but I will do sit ups or push ups. I have been alternating the sit ups and push ups as I am over the minimum limits and right up to the max for my age bracket.
My diet was trashed yesterday. I ate about four cookies, had some chips, dip and a few other things that were very bad for me - but I need one of those days every now and then. I am a little worried with a little over seven weeks left and I have still weight to get off. I keep thinking in my mind that it will all come off with two weeks to spare, but I gotta keep working!!
On a very bright spot! I have twenty days remaining at work! Sweet! On the really bad side the last six days are consecutive! Yikes!!
I am hoping to get my uniforms fitted just after Thanksgiving and pick them up after my last shift, on my way out of town! If everything works out as planned! Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
My recruiter is send me some papers that required correction - so I am still not in the system until everything is corrected and submitted.
Monday, November 15, 2010
8:0
Eight weeks to go! Breath in, Breath out! I have been too busy with work this weekend to really dwell about how soon it approaches. In fact, I find myself far more excited about the looming final day of work. My last day of work is in 22 days and I cannot wait.
I am planning for four weeks off or a total of 34 days to be exact. This will be a much needed break and probably my last long spell off for quite a while. I am going to enjoy myself, but within reason. I still have to be mindful of my diet and will continue to exercise while I am away from work.
From a fitness standpoint with eight weeks remaining I am in pretty good standing. As a 40 year old male I slip into a new fitness requirements where I need a minimum of 21 push ups, 34 sit ups & 1.5 mile run in 14:52. the maximums are 44, 50, & 9:45. I can max out on the push ups and sit ups but not the run - I will continue to work as hard as I can for the next eight weeks. My fear is that when the time comes I will develop performance anxiety and under perform - I hope not!
I am planning for four weeks off or a total of 34 days to be exact. This will be a much needed break and probably my last long spell off for quite a while. I am going to enjoy myself, but within reason. I still have to be mindful of my diet and will continue to exercise while I am away from work.
From a fitness standpoint with eight weeks remaining I am in pretty good standing. As a 40 year old male I slip into a new fitness requirements where I need a minimum of 21 push ups, 34 sit ups & 1.5 mile run in 14:52. the maximums are 44, 50, & 9:45. I can max out on the push ups and sit ups but not the run - I will continue to work as hard as I can for the next eight weeks. My fear is that when the time comes I will develop performance anxiety and under perform - I hope not!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
8:2 (8 weeks:2 days)
Uniforms! I suppose I should start thinking about buying them in the near future. The OTS site mentions spending around $1500 for the uniforms, but I have been told that the class I am in will need to purchase the mess dress and some of the seasonal items. Plus, I have been told by others to buy additional items - so we are looking at closer to $2500 for the whole kit and caboodle! Yikes!
I am already overextended with hiring movers to clear out my house and storing everything until my home closes. I may need to wait until we get a little closer to the date to look into buying the uniforms.
From everything I have read there will most likely be a mix up with the pay for the time I am in COT plus we do not get the BAH while in COT. So every little dime will be needed.
My last day of work will be December 7th and I cannot wait! A wee bit over three weeks and I will be off for the entire holiday and have one last break before starting it all up again. It will be great having all that time off. The only downer is that I will have to watch what I eat during the holidays. So, there will be no cake, cookies, fried things or anything else that may be all fatty and delicious.
Bah Humbug!
I am already overextended with hiring movers to clear out my house and storing everything until my home closes. I may need to wait until we get a little closer to the date to look into buying the uniforms.
From everything I have read there will most likely be a mix up with the pay for the time I am in COT plus we do not get the BAH while in COT. So every little dime will be needed.
My last day of work will be December 7th and I cannot wait! A wee bit over three weeks and I will be off for the entire holiday and have one last break before starting it all up again. It will be great having all that time off. The only downer is that I will have to watch what I eat during the holidays. So, there will be no cake, cookies, fried things or anything else that may be all fatty and delicious.
Bah Humbug!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Something Wicked this way comes..
Under nine weeks to go and this morning while I was grunting on the kitchen floor squeezing out just one more push up, it hit me. COT is coming directly at me and it can no longer be pushed to the back burner. So for the first time since I began this whole process forever ago I am having the taste of fear in the back of my throat.
It is difficult to qualify the fear. Is it the fear of failure? The fear of being the old guy in the mass of twenty-somethings? The fear that I will be overweight? The fear of failing the PT? The fear of appearing to be a total joke? The answer is yes to all!
I suppose the fear is universal. We all go through those Maxwell gates with the unknown ahead of us and we must cope and find a way to be shaped as the USAF sees fit. I am well practiced in keeping my mouth shut and doing as I am told. I think the yelling and the chance of being wrong are a wee outside my comfort zone.
It is difficult to qualify the fear. Is it the fear of failure? The fear of being the old guy in the mass of twenty-somethings? The fear that I will be overweight? The fear of failing the PT? The fear of appearing to be a total joke? The answer is yes to all!
I suppose the fear is universal. We all go through those Maxwell gates with the unknown ahead of us and we must cope and find a way to be shaped as the USAF sees fit. I am well practiced in keeping my mouth shut and doing as I am told. I think the yelling and the chance of being wrong are a wee outside my comfort zone.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Good News, Bad News
Yesterday, was four runs in a row for me. I usually run no more than three in a row and allow one to two days to rest before hitting the trail again. After the second run I start to feel the pounding on my feet and shins and other odd places.
My run yesterday was bad! I stopped three different times! I was so bad and my time was nearly a minute off. My shins hurt, I felt bad and it just took a lot more out of me than it usually does. I was depressed about my performance.
That was the bad!
The good is my weigh in was super fantastic!! Also, my sit ups were off the chain. I maxed out easily! I did not so pushups yesterday as I had maxed out those the day before. So overall I feel pretty good!
My run yesterday was bad! I stopped three different times! I was so bad and my time was nearly a minute off. My shins hurt, I felt bad and it just took a lot more out of me than it usually does. I was depressed about my performance.
That was the bad!
The good is my weigh in was super fantastic!! Also, my sit ups were off the chain. I maxed out easily! I did not so pushups yesterday as I had maxed out those the day before. So overall I feel pretty good!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Greens...
I had to go to the San Antonio Airport yesterday to pick up a friend who was coming into town for a visit from Florida. Now I am not very familiar with the jacked up airport but more about that another day.
I was taking a shuttle van from the car rental return area to the main terminal. I wandered down to the baggage claim area and there was a sight that made me take a second or third look. In the left side of the hallway were these people sitting on the floor in rows three wide and about twenty deep. They were all sitting there looking straight ahead with these manila packages in their laps.
A second and third look and I was baffled. I am thinking, is this some sort school thing? I walked a little past the grouping and there was another cluster of people. Okay, what was going on here?
I make it to the baggage conveyor and spot some seating and at the same time I discover what was up.
These were new arrivals to the basic training at Lackland. I got to watch some of them collect their bags and approach a senior airman who made them remove all their jewelry, empty their pockets and do all sorts of things before sending them to the spot of the floor.
I was sitting and watching while waiting on my friend for forty minutes and I could not help but wonder how long these people would be waiting to leave the airport and if they were allowed to get up and use the restroom.
Poor kids are in for more than they can imagine.
I was taking a shuttle van from the car rental return area to the main terminal. I wandered down to the baggage claim area and there was a sight that made me take a second or third look. In the left side of the hallway were these people sitting on the floor in rows three wide and about twenty deep. They were all sitting there looking straight ahead with these manila packages in their laps.
A second and third look and I was baffled. I am thinking, is this some sort school thing? I walked a little past the grouping and there was another cluster of people. Okay, what was going on here?
I make it to the baggage conveyor and spot some seating and at the same time I discover what was up.
These were new arrivals to the basic training at Lackland. I got to watch some of them collect their bags and approach a senior airman who made them remove all their jewelry, empty their pockets and do all sorts of things before sending them to the spot of the floor.
I was sitting and watching while waiting on my friend for forty minutes and I could not help but wonder how long these people would be waiting to leave the airport and if they were allowed to get up and use the restroom.
Poor kids are in for more than they can imagine.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
A Pound of Flesh...too many
It only takes a minute to determine if I am going to have a good day or a really bad one. That moment takes place every morning when I step on the scale. I have stepped on the damn scale so many times and I am usually within a pound or two of knowing exactly what it will read.
This morning was a bad scale moment. I stepped on after a particularly difficult run and found that I was up 1.4 pounds. I know it does not sound like much but nothing is more deflating than to see the scale move in the wrong direction. Especially since I have been working so hard to turn things in my favor.
In the last two months I have cut out all bread and even pasta. As each week rolls by I start omitting more and more things from my diet. I am at the end of my rope! My clothes are falling off of me but my weight does not budge and I am running short on time.
I have giving myself until the end of this month to drop a full five pounds and all I have managed to do is gain. When I work I have the best results, because I only allow myself one meal a day and usually keep my calories under 800 calories per day. In a four day stretch I can drop a good pound or two and then put it right back on when I go back to 1200 calories per day.
If by December 10th I am not within striking distance I will switch to an all liquid diet. It will be my last desperate attempt to drop the remaining pounds.
This morning was a bad scale moment. I stepped on after a particularly difficult run and found that I was up 1.4 pounds. I know it does not sound like much but nothing is more deflating than to see the scale move in the wrong direction. Especially since I have been working so hard to turn things in my favor.
In the last two months I have cut out all bread and even pasta. As each week rolls by I start omitting more and more things from my diet. I am at the end of my rope! My clothes are falling off of me but my weight does not budge and I am running short on time.
I have giving myself until the end of this month to drop a full five pounds and all I have managed to do is gain. When I work I have the best results, because I only allow myself one meal a day and usually keep my calories under 800 calories per day. In a four day stretch I can drop a good pound or two and then put it right back on when I go back to 1200 calories per day.
If by December 10th I am not within striking distance I will switch to an all liquid diet. It will be my last desperate attempt to drop the remaining pounds.
The Deprived Fat Kid...
I have been very strict on my diet for two months now. That means no donuts, no ice cream, no sugary goodness, nothing fried and forget about anything swimming in grease. I have even had to eliminate alcohol from my daily life and it is taking a toll on me.
I am one of those people who is not naturally thin. I have to work extremely hard to achieve my max weight. Just seems so unfair.
The height and weight chart seems like it was put in place for gangly 18 year olds and not for someone who sits at the ripe old age of 40. If I were close to the low end of the scale I would look sickly. As it is now people tell me I am looking too thin and I am 8-10 pounds over my maximum.
So, I run and eat a plant based diet. Drink water or sugar-free drinks. I turn down alcohol and forget about popcorn at the movies or chips and salsa while watching football. My snacks are apples, pears, celery and a few pretzels. All in desperate attempts to weigh in under my maximum weight when COT starts.
My biggest fear is standing there for my weigh in and discovering I am over. I am sure scorn and sham will be directed my way and who knows they may send me home. My recruiter tells me that I will be sent packing is I don't make my weight and who knows he may be telling the truth. I cannot take that risk.
All I know is that I have been working extremely hard and the weight is slow to come off and with two months remaining I am starting to get a bit scared. I have even contemplated a liquid diet for a few weeks before.
The trouble with starving myself is that it weakens me and I still need to work hard on sit ups and push ups and improving my run time. Every tiny point I get will help. I have this sinking feeling that I am going to be dangerously close to failing my PT test as well.
Geez! See I still have two full months to stress about these things. Then throw in the holidays with all the tempting treats and goodies. It will truly be a test of my reserve leading up to my departure.
All I know, is once I complete COT I am treating myself to a beer and some nachos swimming in cheese. I have a mental list of all the bad stuff I plan to gourge on once I get through with COT.
I am one of those people who is not naturally thin. I have to work extremely hard to achieve my max weight. Just seems so unfair.
The height and weight chart seems like it was put in place for gangly 18 year olds and not for someone who sits at the ripe old age of 40. If I were close to the low end of the scale I would look sickly. As it is now people tell me I am looking too thin and I am 8-10 pounds over my maximum.
So, I run and eat a plant based diet. Drink water or sugar-free drinks. I turn down alcohol and forget about popcorn at the movies or chips and salsa while watching football. My snacks are apples, pears, celery and a few pretzels. All in desperate attempts to weigh in under my maximum weight when COT starts.
My biggest fear is standing there for my weigh in and discovering I am over. I am sure scorn and sham will be directed my way and who knows they may send me home. My recruiter tells me that I will be sent packing is I don't make my weight and who knows he may be telling the truth. I cannot take that risk.
All I know is that I have been working extremely hard and the weight is slow to come off and with two months remaining I am starting to get a bit scared. I have even contemplated a liquid diet for a few weeks before.
The trouble with starving myself is that it weakens me and I still need to work hard on sit ups and push ups and improving my run time. Every tiny point I get will help. I have this sinking feeling that I am going to be dangerously close to failing my PT test as well.
Geez! See I still have two full months to stress about these things. Then throw in the holidays with all the tempting treats and goodies. It will truly be a test of my reserve leading up to my departure.
All I know, is once I complete COT I am treating myself to a beer and some nachos swimming in cheese. I have a mental list of all the bad stuff I plan to gourge on once I get through with COT.
Monday, November 8, 2010
9 weeks!!!
OMG! I just glanced at the date and did a bit of math and discovered that I have only nine weeks until COT! There is still so much to do and I need to continue to make strides on my fitness and there needs to be about 10 pounds shed.
Nine weeks! Wow! It gets closer every time I turn around. I have been reading blogs and online forums regarding COT and have taken the suggestions I have found on what to take. Along the way I have been purchasing several items people have suggested and it gets expensive after buying this and that and then more of those.
I have yet to even figure out how I am going to pay for uniforms. The online sits states $1500, but I have been told to look closer to $2500 especially since I will be required to buy the seasonal gear and the mess dress. Money I do not have at the moment.
I am not even sure which base I will go to to pick up uniforms. I understand you need to be fitted and they will require alterations. Sounds like a lengthy process, but I have also been told to do this before COT.
So maybe later this month or early next month I will look into charging up a credit card and getting yet another expense out of the way.
I sure seem to be spending loads of money to obtain a position that does not pay all that much. What is wrong with me?
Nine weeks! Wow! It gets closer every time I turn around. I have been reading blogs and online forums regarding COT and have taken the suggestions I have found on what to take. Along the way I have been purchasing several items people have suggested and it gets expensive after buying this and that and then more of those.
I have yet to even figure out how I am going to pay for uniforms. The online sits states $1500, but I have been told to look closer to $2500 especially since I will be required to buy the seasonal gear and the mess dress. Money I do not have at the moment.
I am not even sure which base I will go to to pick up uniforms. I understand you need to be fitted and they will require alterations. Sounds like a lengthy process, but I have also been told to do this before COT.
So maybe later this month or early next month I will look into charging up a credit card and getting yet another expense out of the way.
I sure seem to be spending loads of money to obtain a position that does not pay all that much. What is wrong with me?
run run run run
I went for my run yesterday and there were a few people running the park trail. I typically run a three mile loop around the park and there days when it is all I can do to finish.
I had always been told, by people who run, that the longer you run the easier it becomes. This is a bold face lie! I find the longer I run the harder it becomes. I have been at it for a little over a year and I am not getting any better. Sure my recovery is much quicker, but my time and distance are not improving a bit.
Yesterday, was my first run in a week as I have been out of town and taking care of this and that and my run suffered because of it. I had to stop twice! Granted these were short spots where I had to walk, but still I had to actually stop. My time was 40 seconds off my average and it just gets me down that I am not making strides of improvement.
I read about people who do not run training for a marathon in 18 weeks. How they doing this? I try every now and then to do two laps and it is just sad! When will I get better at this run thing?
I am at it yesterday and this girl I see is on at least lap three and my one sad little lap is only slightly better than hers and she is still going!
My saving grace is that I need to run 1.5 miles in a decent time - which I can do. I have also been told during COT there is a 5K run (3.2 miles) and I can finish that even is the time will not be stellar. However, those dreams of running a marathon just do not seem in the cards for me and maybe I need to aim a little lower like maybe a 10K or even a half marathon one day, but I need to be able to run more than three miles before I can consider such lofty goals.
I had always been told, by people who run, that the longer you run the easier it becomes. This is a bold face lie! I find the longer I run the harder it becomes. I have been at it for a little over a year and I am not getting any better. Sure my recovery is much quicker, but my time and distance are not improving a bit.
Yesterday, was my first run in a week as I have been out of town and taking care of this and that and my run suffered because of it. I had to stop twice! Granted these were short spots where I had to walk, but still I had to actually stop. My time was 40 seconds off my average and it just gets me down that I am not making strides of improvement.
I read about people who do not run training for a marathon in 18 weeks. How they doing this? I try every now and then to do two laps and it is just sad! When will I get better at this run thing?
I am at it yesterday and this girl I see is on at least lap three and my one sad little lap is only slightly better than hers and she is still going!
My saving grace is that I need to run 1.5 miles in a decent time - which I can do. I have also been told during COT there is a 5K run (3.2 miles) and I can finish that even is the time will not be stellar. However, those dreams of running a marathon just do not seem in the cards for me and maybe I need to aim a little lower like maybe a 10K or even a half marathon one day, but I need to be able to run more than three miles before I can consider such lofty goals.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
At First...
When I began the thought of entering the military many things went through my head:
Am I too old?
I am way too fat?
Can I even do a push up?
The money blows.
Yup, I went through the whole process of looking shit up on the internet. I was within the age requirement for health care but just barely.
I was pushing 300 pounds. Yikes! I even thought this would be some sort of motivation for me to get into shape.
No, I could do maybe one or two push ups and a sit up took everything I had. I could not even contemplate running until I trimmed down about 40 to 50 pounds.
The money could not be the deciding factor. I wanted to push myself, open the doors to travel and a life with a little of the unknown sprinkled in. I wanted the unexpected as my career had become stale and boring.
It took some mad kinda work, but I started to get into shape. I remember my first run (non-treadmill) I could not even finish 0.5 mile. I was pathetic! For one mile I walked and ran until I finished and the time was embarrassing! Flash forward nearly two years and although my time is not record setting, I can at least finish and at a respectable pace.
The push ups actually improved faster than the sit ups. I can now meet all the goals and fluctuate around the maximum weight requirement. I am two pounds over as of this morning.
I want to be 10 pounds under before training begins.
Am I too old?
I am way too fat?
Can I even do a push up?
The money blows.
Yup, I went through the whole process of looking shit up on the internet. I was within the age requirement for health care but just barely.
I was pushing 300 pounds. Yikes! I even thought this would be some sort of motivation for me to get into shape.
No, I could do maybe one or two push ups and a sit up took everything I had. I could not even contemplate running until I trimmed down about 40 to 50 pounds.
The money could not be the deciding factor. I wanted to push myself, open the doors to travel and a life with a little of the unknown sprinkled in. I wanted the unexpected as my career had become stale and boring.
It took some mad kinda work, but I started to get into shape. I remember my first run (non-treadmill) I could not even finish 0.5 mile. I was pathetic! For one mile I walked and ran until I finished and the time was embarrassing! Flash forward nearly two years and although my time is not record setting, I can at least finish and at a respectable pace.
The push ups actually improved faster than the sit ups. I can now meet all the goals and fluctuate around the maximum weight requirement. I am two pounds over as of this morning.
I want to be 10 pounds under before training begins.
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