Not This...

I have been relationship complicated for a while. I am not really in one and I am not totally over one. I hover in neutral. Actually, it has been so long since I have even dated that I am not sure I have the patience to go through the whole 'getting to know you' phase. I especially don't consider starting anything up with me new to the military and living in a backwoods town.

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Well, I ran across someone on base who caused some churning on my insides. Fuck! I do not want this! Especially with someone who is military as well! So when I recognized the passing glances and the friendly smiles - I decided to just avoid her all together. Remove myself from situations when she is around and make busy work. Easier said than done.

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This person is so my type! Funny, smart, sarcastic, and has these amazing eyes that when she looks directly at me I know she can read my mind. But the last thing I need is a workplace fling or romance.

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I am just now and the interest stage and it has not advanced to complete adoration, yet. I want to nip this in the bud, because it would be way too complicated especially when accounting for rank and other co-workers and in no way could it ever end well. I mean even if I did follow that path we are on two different career paths with zero chance of being together long term and if I allowed myself to fall - I think I would get crushed.

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So, I have to avoid the small talk and the quiet moments where we are alone. Avoid watching her as she speaks to others. Not stare at her as she leaves a room and not get all stupid when she speaks to me. I have to stop feeling. It is the only way to keep my heart intact.