222..

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me to get through.  I was forced repeatedly to face a situation that was extremely unfair to me and there was a point in the day where every cell in my body just wanted to either scream at the idiots responsible or just walk the fuck out. 

I called a friend and took a nice long break.  I vented to a co-worker and tried so hard to refocus of the bigger goal in front of me.  The thing is that I don't appreciate being lied to or being cheated and both have occurred.  So yesterday was very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut.

I am so thankful to have a few days off to clear my head and spend time having some well deserved fun.

one day at a time.

221..

I had to work hard to keep my anger at a low simmer yesterday.  Mind you I am not one who deals well with being shafted, but I have to focus on the big picture.  Breath in and breath out...if I do what I need to do than all will work out in the end.

another thing that bugs me is people who are constantly jockeying for position.  enough already!  They do this right in front of my nose! I do not get the constant need some people have to make themselves seem important.  They obviously have a need to prove something.

These things come simmering up to the surface as the reality of the military competition system comes to play. people fight for recognition and puff up their chest at every opportunity.  You are judged and ranked against one another for every possible morsel of anything and for what?  Really!  I just do not play that game.  I refuse to be one of those cut throat individuals who gladly throw a team member under the bus for a smidge of recognition. 

I work very hard to uphold the core values and no where in those values does it advocate self promotion or the cut throat attitude of the people I work with.  If the core values are not important and thing maintain as they are for my four years then I will go my own way and return to the civilian world.

220..low carb thang

So Saturday I got a bug up my ass and needed to go out to eat.  I was feeling all confined up in this house and needed out.  In hindsight that was a big mistake.  Cause I had maybe 5o thousand beers and got tore the fuck up!  it was so bad that I went by the market and bought not one or two but four pints of ice cream.

I woke up early and hung over the next morning to discover that I ate about two pints of ice cream and a wave of shame washed over me.  here I was just a few days into the low carb thing and I carb loaded like a crackhead!

So Sunday, I climbed back on the horse.  I ate correctly and even forced myself to run that evening.  I knew the run would suck major ass but it was my own fault.  in fact, I felt as though I had accomplished something when I ran.  yes, the time was bad but that run was about getting back on track.

This morning for breakfast I had a fried egg (in olive oil) with onions and a few baby shrimp covered with cheese.  The low carb breakfast rocks!  I am taking melon  and some soy burgers to eat today and hopefully I won't feel so hungry.

Oh well, the start of a new day..

218...finally

This morning i woke up and went for a run.  Different strategy this time, I am taking a steady pace and try not to burn it after the first half mile.  the results were not that bad -  in the past 6 weeks I have ran exactly two times so to do so well right off the bat leaves me feeling pretty damn good about myself.

i have some new motivation now.....rumor is i am being deployed soon and my ass is not showing up in the desert fat and out of shape.  So it starts here!

215...panic mode?

So, I took a practice final exam for my class yesterday.  I missed 51 of 93.  Yikes!  I am on the brink of panic mode, but I have to weekend to solidify my understanding of a few points and still sit for the final.  I can miss like 22-25 and still earn a solid B...so I still have time.

215...

Word to the wise.  never send an email when you are pissed off about something and especially do not send one to someone a few pay grades above your own.  Yup, you guessed it.  i was angry and some things that had gone down and I shot off an angry email about it.  Do I regret it - maybe!  We will see how it ends up!

There is so much negative energy hovering in the air at work and it is uncomfortable at times.  drama that does not involve me but we all get dragged into it and I do not like the current climate while I am on duty.  But the winds are changing and in a few months many people are leaving and the shop should have a completely different look.  So I am holding tight to see what comes up.

209...Fat Air Force Wives

being single I sometimes think how nice it would be to actually be married and living on base.  To become more a part of the Air Force family and maybe have a few kids and do the whole "hang out" thing with other Air Force families.  However, lately I have been noticing a trend or call it a theme in these AF families.  Thw wifes are fat as hell!  I mean stretch pant busting gals who double the size of their military counterpart. 

Mainly the fat culprit is the female spouse but I have seen a few fit airman with tubby hubbies and it is just a disgrace.  We active duty folk are required to continually work on fitness and maintain weight standards and I fully admit I struggle in that area, but these spouses have thrown in the towl and fully do not reflect what should be the image of the AF family.

I went to a recent gathering where spouses were in attendance.  It looked embarassing!  I mean there are some fit men and women married to lard tubs!  Seriously?  many of these live on base where there are ample opportunities and resources at their disposal to work out, but instead they get fat and disgusting.  Sitting at home eating and getting fatter!  I am not saying they need to be super models, but it is so contrary to what the AD life should be all about.

Maybe if they had weight and fitness requirements for spouses.  If they cant meet it then kick them out of base housing.  Maybe that would get these slobs off the couch!

205...something wicked this way comes...

You know, Sara Palin is really a dumb fuck!  The more sound bites I hear from her the more I wonder, 'who the fuck would vote for this twat?'  The sad part is that many uninformed and uneducated Americans would be lining up to vote for her - a sad commentary on our country.

I have been loosely following the happenings with the political climate.  I am military and I do not think I am allowed to disparage any president or member of congress and before I start let it be know that it is not my intent.  In fact, I feel for the position that the president is in.  he is literally is a no win situation inheriting a horrid economy left him by the Bush and now he must deal with an extreme faction that is the new GOP. I don't understand how things are going to get any better with the amped up political rhetoric that has been taking place.

The GOP presidential potentials are the biggest fucking Joke I have ever seen.  You have Bachmann - what the fuck has she EVER done except fuck up history and pander to the wing nuts of the teabag party and her husband - well I will just leave that one alone.

There is perry who has written how he wants to redo the entire constitution to include making abortions illegal and granting congress the ability to override the supreme court.  He may win the prize as the ultimate extremist. I would be fucking scared to see him in the oval office.

Mitt Romney - who knows where he stands as he changes his message based on poll numbers.  He is in definite need of some backbone.

The funniest of all is Santorum. The man is a joke (see Google) and why he is running is any ones guess.  I mean he could not hold onto his senate seat in his own state he got trampled and now he feels qualified to run for president with his religious rhetoric.  I think he is vying for a bigger focus within the teabag party. Who knows.

Anywho, 2012 should be quite interesting as I fear the worst is yet to come!

204...rain

Off for a few days and I can take a little time to unwind and then hit the books.  The fear of the looming test is providing some stress, but I am determined to plow through and make the best effort I can.  The statistics from the website state only 4% actually fail the test so I am taking a wee bit of comfort in that, but a 'C' is as bad as a fail to me.  I need a 'B'.  sure, i would prefer an 'A', but I am being a realist here.

Work was unnerving at times.  I have the tendency to be suspicious and nervous that people are being overly critical of my work and now that i am in full view of everyone my mistakes or lack of military knowledge is in full light.  I actually miss nights!  Believe that or not.

I am becoming a little frustrated at a new staff member.  This is a person coming in with "tons" of experience but it is not reflected in the work being executed.  Oh well, I bite my lip and plow forward.

It is raining hard outside.  I have the doors to the patio open and I am really enjoying the downpour.  Anything that can cool this place down is a very welcome event.  It is just so damn hot here!

Well,i must study in a bit and want to just take some time to enjoy my coffee and the rain..