Reality Check

American Idol is ovah! Thank God! I stopped watching after Pia got the boot when it became painfully obvious that voters were overrun with ignorant teenagers and creepy folks from North carolina.

I hear on the news this morning that that talentless child won and I am so thankful that I did not waste another minute watching the hideous program. It had been touted as the most talented final group, but the voting did not support those who had the most talent.

Moving over to Dancing with the stars. I watched ten minutes here and there and really thought that cute Disney girl had it in the bag. She was beautiful, sweet and could dance. If she did not win I thought maybe Kristie Alley - never did I see Hines Ward winning. Score another one for the fucktards who vote on these stupid ass programs! Seriously, Hines ward?? Fucking dumbass Americans!!

I spent my evening sleeping but woke up in time to watch Modern Family (love that show)! One of the few programs that does not let me down! So I think it is safer to avoid all reality television and stick with sitcoms.

Almost forgot the biggest gag I heard yesterday. Kim kardasian - that hair fucking useless bitch is engaged. How the fuck does that hairy bitch get so much television time? She has no talent and if you look close at her face her features resemble Avatar characters. However, I read she is worth over 50 million bucks.WTF!!!

Now she is engaged to some basketball player. Yea that will last! The minute he gets cut and the paychecks stop coming in and he has to learn to read is when that relationship hits the skids!
Fucktards!!

Hurt

It fizzled and died and left me in a heaving lump on the field next to the track.

That is right, today was my PFA and it hurt. The good is that I came so very close to maxing out on the sit ups and push ups. The bad news was that everything else was horrible. My waist was within, but should be better. My weight was way over and will be better and my run was not as good as I had hoped. The bottom line is that I passed,but my performance was nothing to be proud of.

Where do I go from here? I work hard and get into better shape so that the next test I bang out and post numbers that I am actually proud of. No, this is not an empty promise that goes by the way side a few weeks later - I am in this to prove a point.

Adjusting?

damn I am tired. The sort of tired that makes everything around me seem all blah blah blah. the tired where you cannot concentrate on anything. So the prospect of studying is out the window.

I remain on the new eating plan and it seems to be going along okay, but I do not think I am at the point where I have totally adjusted. The funny thing about my new life is that I am always in a state of adjustment and readjustment. I also find that the older I get the harder it seems to adjust smoothly.

I am sore from working out and I know my muscles ache a little with the new food limitations. However, I am dropping pounds! Sweet!

Well, I better hit the books again! Ugghh!

Worlds Colliding via Facebook

i am having issues with facebook. Mind you, I am not devoted to it like some people I know, but i do check it every week or so. I sometimes put photos on and recently added a face shot (yikes).

My issue is with friend requests. Originally I only had a very few friends from work and that was okay. I added my brother and that is when things got sticky! Other family members started sending requests. some of these people I have not seen for ages and I was okay with that. These are people I have not kept up with and who don't have any Idea whats going on in my life.

A few weeks back I received a request from one of those long lost relatives and i accepted the request. Lo and behold she started filling up the wall with Jesus ramblings. OMG! So, I had to unfriend her as I was not going to be subjected to her religious ramblings. I have a friend now that posts a million farmville things and she is teetering on the unfriend list.

The thing is I have separate components of my life. there are casual work friends, closer friends, extended family and close family and i like keeping all the areas separate. It makes me happy to have those distinct lines. There are things about me that only close friends know and I don't want to share information unilaterally across all sections of people.

So now I receive yet another friend request from another long lost relative. My brother accepted this relatives request while I let it sit there unanswered and not sure exactly what i should do.

I feel like that Seinfeld episode where George's worlds are colliding. Independent George doesn't like it!

Ripping the wings off of flies...

Ever get irritated? Find yourself in a state where almost every little little detail of your life makes you crazy? I am right in that position at the moment and it is not making me a fun boy.

The reduction in calories (aka evil diet) is in day three and as part of the routine I weigh and measure and record every wee tiny calorie I ingest. Day one I had 1300 calories and day two right at 1500 plus I ran three miles and drank like a billion glasses of water. I weighed yesterday and was pleased, but today the weight returned. I know its most likely water weight and by the weeks end it should all even out, but it still pisses me off!

Work people are pissing me off. Being new and working with those who just don't have the same level of skill is wearing on my nerves a bit. Especially, when I hear these people referred to as "go to people". Go to for what? Wrong answers. Blank stares. Not exactly the resources i am use to and that is frustrating me!

This horrid city is irritating me. The heat, the bugs, the filthy people and having no signs of culture are much to take. I cannot believe I have x-number of years left in this shit hole!

I hate my car! I want a new one, but I can't get one just yet and that frustrates the hell out of me. I am having all these urges to buy all these things and I know that is a symptom of my misery.

I am trying to focus on some studies and some additional projects to get my mind off my utter misery, but it has not settled in yet.

One Step at a time...

I started a new diet plan to coincide with this app i purchased on the old Ipad. My New Diary allows me to keep track of what I eat and plan to lose the amount that I need to fit into all the crap in my closet.

My new scheme is to eat every four hours while awake. Each meal will be between 200 to 500 calories without any snacking in between. This way i am never more than four hours from a meal (except while sleeping).

Yesterday was my first full day and I did well. I even ate out at a restaurant for dinner. I ended up with around 1500 calories and drank about 146 glasses of water, but it is a start.

I figure that i need to start a diet ASAP since my PFT is around the corner and there is no way in hell I will pass it. I think they allow 42 days to retake it and I am planning on the retake now instead of waiting for next week. My goal is to smoke the test the next time - fingers crossed!

In COT I scored 86 and 89, just a smidge away from 90 (excellent) so for the retake my goal is a 90 or better. I think that will keep me safe for an entire year. Not sure since it will be a retake, but one can dream.

I have been in the dumps all week worrying about the test and the mandatory PT that will follow when a friend of mine told me, "just do your best and whatever happens, happens." It sounds simple and I guess he was right. I have been stressed and it is doing me no good at all and apparently irritating my friends.

Maybe the mandatory PT will do me some good. Maybe I will find the motivation to keep my fitness in check once and for all. I did join the military, in part, because of the fitness standards. So now is the time for me to walk the walk!

I grew up attending church, actually various churches. We were everything from Baptists, methodist to Mormans and back again. Sometimes I think we belonged to the church that was the shortest distance from our front door. My brother and I actually attended a baptist high schoor - gasp!

So you would think with all this exposure to the religious teachings that just a smidge of it would have permeated my consciousness. Wrong! Even after unteen years of preaching and mandated prayer I end up with one resounding conclusion. It is all bullshit!!

religion is based on myths - storytelling by people who wanted answers that their feeble minds could not comprehend nor explain. So they created sort of a father figure who had the job of looking over all of us and was the sole reason everything happened. Therefore, we could go about living our lives and not be bothered with real issues like, 'why are we here?' and such.

Then religion took an evil turn for the worse. The people who invented it decided they could add to it by telling others how they should live their lives. It would provide some sort of master plan as to the 'correct way to live'. all of this with love from the creator - of course.

Well, that did not go over well with everyone and one person who believed in the master plan became outraged with those who felt differently. So, wht should he do? I know, he should take a rock and bash the head in of those who think differently and take all his belongings in the name of the creator. Glad to figure that one out.

These myths and stories provided a means to make some people feel superior to others. Preachers and such used these feelings to weave the fabric of hate and thus found a machine that could provide money to fund their evil plans. Under the guise of love hate grows unchecked.

Current day we have politicians and leaders still operating under these hateful platforms pulling from the myths of religion. leading us into the pit of evil, in the name of the father , son and holy ghost.

Followers are all to happy to hand over their money and look down upon others simply because they do not believe the same way. these so-called christians are brimming with hate and violence. It is sad and reflects poorly on the human condition. People are allowed to mask hate in the pages of some piece of fiction and feel empowered to do so.

Is it any wonder religion never took to me.

Fat

I am making small strides,but I am afraid that it may be too little too late. With my PFT looming in the near future i am not sure I will be where I need to be to pass. I am running and doing all the things that I need to do, but the weight is still too high and it may be the waist measurement that does me in in the end. Odd as there are so many people on base so much heavier than me. oh well!

I can only control where I go from here. I knew coming in that the weight thing was going to be a constant battle and I have been on the losing end of that fight lately. i had been hoping to squeek by this time then focus and really bang out a good score in six month, but i may not get the option.

Here is what may happen. I pass everything but the gut is too big. I then will have 42 days to remedy the situation and partake in mandatory PT - Ugghh! This is what bothers me the most. I just now have gotten some bit of routine in process and that will totally eschew all the strides I have been making. In fact, I think it will hurt my progress. This is actually what disturbs me the most about the thought of failing. I have so many things going well - i just want the time to make it work for me.

Oh well, i have myself to blame for not watching my diet better. I let myself gain this weight and now it has become hard to shed I have thrown in the towel. I knew this was not going to be easy. I gotta dig deeper and make it work.

Still kickin

On my drive home this morning I was think back over the weekend I had at work. It was slow, everyone I work with seems pretty good and I do not dread going to work. So many places I have worked in the past made me hate getting up in the morning and heading to work, but for the first time in a very long time I enjoy where I work.

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There is more to working in the military than just doing your job. You get tasked to go here and there and additional duties are heaped upon you. Most people resent these types of things but some actually welcome these as a welcome change from the day to day routine. It gives you something new to do.

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Many people look at deployments as a bad thing taking prople away from family, but some actually look forward to these breaks and have such respect for the job we do on deployment. Granted we are not on the front line sleeping in foxholes getting shot at. We take care of those in harms ways and it is a huge responsibility to bring the best care we can provide to those who risk the most.

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I keep being warned not to be so eager to get out of the military if things do not go as I thought they would. I guess many people new to the military really hate their first duty assignment, but I have yet to feel that way.i am sure I will have bad days in the future where I question my decision to serve - however, it has not happened yet.

Sizing up the talent...

I have discovered a way to get uber rich while serving in the military. I am going to open up a stand that sells shovels and hip boots. You need these items around the group I work with...the shit is waist deep.

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i am wide-eyed and just taking in everything at the moment. My thoughts were get in and see how they operate before I insert my own personality into the mix. i need to get a handle on how the creatures interact and who is the top dog among the group. I did not expect the amount of shit these people serve up! Wow! I walk away some days amazed that people can practice such ass kissing and slinging shit they expect others want to hear.

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there are all kinds of people in this world that we encounter at work. I tend to be the cynical one who needs to explore change very well before putting it into place as anytime you make a small change you need to examine how it impacts everything else. So, I stand to be very methodical. Some of those around come from the knee-jerk school - where if someone higher ranked suggests it then famnit it must be right. Wow!

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i can already tell this is going to take some extra effort on my part to pick and choose my battles very carefully. because, once i unlease the full Chuck they may not know exactly how to handle it.

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meeting notes:

Lt Col Swift: We need to consider how to present a professional manner when dealing with an unhappy customer.

Lt White: i think we need to do whatever you say sir, you are the all knowing one who help us make the world a better place. And did i tell you how great you look today?

maybe i exaggerate a wee bit - but really not by much!

here is where I am going to hit a road block - I am not adept at ass kissing and have no desire to conform to that type of behavior. I come from a place where we show respect and we work as a team to find the correct solution. Not just nod and do everything we are told without question.

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Another problem i am having - this one is hard to express without coming across like being a major prick - but I will give it a shot. i am way more qualified that the others in my group. On paper or anyway you look at it my background stands heads and shoulders above all others. I also know there are expectations on me because of those credentials that the others do not have on them. However, I am not in a position to use my background to its fullest potential. So for all intensive purposes i am one of the many and not utilized for what i have to offer.

Maybe, at times, I am resentful of being in the mix but I try to supress those feelings and withdraw rather than injecting myself in the mix.

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Several examples come to mind. I hear people asking technical questions that i know the answer to, but I keep quiet. There are some who project themselves as being experts, but are so far off base that at times I just have to laugh about it. I think to take on the role as expert at this time is not in my best interest. I am new to the group and I like to take the time to evaluate what is around me. Mind you, there are not bad people around me..all work hard and I am proud to serve with 99.9% of them - however, I do not think there is someone I would go to as a resource. Sad, but true.

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2012 Help Us All...

i am deeply concerned with the political landscape of this country. The republicans mostly are full of full-blown nut-jobs. I thought at first it was just the teabaggers, but lately it seems all of them are out of their fucking minds!!!

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I started to notice when that lunatic lady is Arizona wanted to enforce some sort of police state against all immigrants. What is wrong with that woman. Then the whole hub-bub regarding DADT and the John McCain and his tantrums. Now you have lawmakers trying to force sonograms and religious counseling prior to abortions - WTF!!

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Lets not forget the republican speaker of the house insisting on spending tax money to defend DOMA (a totally unconstitutional law). What has happened to this world? And when did republicans start becoming more extreme than the KKK?? Not that I have always agreed with the Dems, but they at least are not wearing hoods these days burning crosses around towns.

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I did not vote for Obama, but it looks like I will be voting for him this time around. I mean have you seen the offerings coming from the GOP?? Newt, Trump, Huckabee and the evil Mit!!! Don't even start discussion the wacky women of the GOP with Sarah and that weird ass bauchman witch. Lord help us all if any of those crazy fuckers makes it to the white house!!

Running Fat

I am learning. I have flipped my routine over the last few weeks. I use to always run in the early mornings, but because of many reasons I have started to run at nights. I sort of like running at nights, it is cooler and it puts a cap on the day. I run on base so to avoid all the freaky ass people who are scattered along my old route along the beach - which was a big influence on my change of routine.

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When I would run in the early morning i would wake up, drink a bit of coffee, stretch and then I was off. i would never even think about eating anything before a run - plus I have never been a morning breakfast kinda guy. However, when you run at nights what and when you eat is a huge factor in how well you will perform.

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A week ago, I had a big portion of spaghetti about two hours before my run and it was not a wise move. During that run I felt full and bloated and had a difficult time catching my breath. After that experience I decided to eat earlier in the day. So I have been eating four hours before my run and it seemed to do the trick until yesterday.

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yesterday, I had another big helping of spaghetti. Let me tell you the spaghetti I made was out of this world and I may have overindulged. Anyway, it was four hours before my run and during my run i again felt bloated and full and had trouble catching my breath. I felt my diaphragm pushing against my lungs and I was gasping for air.

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I have deduced that a heavy meal- especially a carb laden meal - is not a good thing on run days. i guess that is why runners carb load the day before a big race. Oh well, now I know. So today, I am planning accordingly and going to eat smaller meals that are not quite as heavy. I hope my new found knowledge results in a faster run time as I have less than two weeks before my test.

Good

I feel good, na na na na na nah. oh well! I have made a few changes that have me walking with a bit more pep in mt step.

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I stopped drinking beer. Yes, I know. My volume was approximately 50% beer, but changes had to be made. I also committed myself to my running. I had let myself go since arriving here and really had more excuses than motivation. With a fast approaching PT test, I had to man up and make the needed changes.

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Things have not been easy. that first run just about killed me! i run a track on base and could not make one lap before sucking wind. But with determination i can now make two full laps before the impending feeling of death consumes me and I bend over sucking for air like a fish out of the fish tank.

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I cut out some of the junk food. Mind you i said some and not all. i figure baby steps and plus it is so hard to go completely hard core. I have to start with squishy core and work my way up to semi-solid core and maybe firm core before I get to the hard regions - micro baby steps.

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I am also feeling a little better about work. beginning to find a comfort zone and feeling that this decision was maybe a good thing. I still desire for more more more, but I will take that into stride. I am focusing on me for a bit. taking a class, reading about some opportunities and about to enter the deeper sections of the pool. I am looking forward to so much!

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