A litte clue

So, I have been wearing my heart on my sleeve for so long now and this past weekend I found a little clarity.

I went to see the one who has taken my breath away.  I know, it was stupid and what was I thinking and all but in my head I need some clarity.  Did I find it?  The answer is both yes and no.

Yes, cause it finally really dawned on me that it cannot work with this person.  Too many obstacles and he has a BF that he loves.  I was able to put everything in some sort of perspective and in my gut know it is time to move on/

No,because I am hopelessly still in love with him and if he asked me to give up everything to be with him I would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen.

Plus, ever since he left and ever since I have been back from deployment I think about him all the time.  That has not changed since I returned home.  I know it will take time, but how much time will it take me to forget how much I feel for this one person. 

I also now understand that before I left for deploymnt I was very unhappy.  I was drinking too much, eating too much and just letting myself go.  I understand now that I didnt have something in my life to make me try harder and after meeting CT I want to be a better man and I have a focus now that i didnt before.  Maybe a little of that in the back 0f  my mind is me telling myself to look better for the next time I see CT.

Okay, enough of that for now!