So it has been a week since I saw him and even worse I have not heard from him in a week. Not a call, not a text not anything. Not even a facebook post.
I am checking facebook about a hundred times a day looking for anything from him. I dont call as I dont want to be that stalker guy. Maybe he is just putting some distance between us. Maybe that is for the best.
I feel horrible. I think about him every minute of every day. I want to get over this. I cant function as I am sad and want to hear from him.
damn I am a hot mess!!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A litte clue
So, I have been wearing my heart on my sleeve for so long now and this past weekend I found a little clarity.
I went to see the one who has taken my breath away. I know, it was stupid and what was I thinking and all but in my head I need some clarity. Did I find it? The answer is both yes and no.
Yes, cause it finally really dawned on me that it cannot work with this person. Too many obstacles and he has a BF that he loves. I was able to put everything in some sort of perspective and in my gut know it is time to move on/
No,because I am hopelessly still in love with him and if he asked me to give up everything to be with him I would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen.
Plus, ever since he left and ever since I have been back from deployment I think about him all the time. That has not changed since I returned home. I know it will take time, but how much time will it take me to forget how much I feel for this one person.
I also now understand that before I left for deploymnt I was very unhappy. I was drinking too much, eating too much and just letting myself go. I understand now that I didnt have something in my life to make me try harder and after meeting CT I want to be a better man and I have a focus now that i didnt before. Maybe a little of that in the back 0f my mind is me telling myself to look better for the next time I see CT.
Okay, enough of that for now!
I went to see the one who has taken my breath away. I know, it was stupid and what was I thinking and all but in my head I need some clarity. Did I find it? The answer is both yes and no.
Yes, cause it finally really dawned on me that it cannot work with this person. Too many obstacles and he has a BF that he loves. I was able to put everything in some sort of perspective and in my gut know it is time to move on/
No,because I am hopelessly still in love with him and if he asked me to give up everything to be with him I would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen.
Plus, ever since he left and ever since I have been back from deployment I think about him all the time. That has not changed since I returned home. I know it will take time, but how much time will it take me to forget how much I feel for this one person.
I also now understand that before I left for deploymnt I was very unhappy. I was drinking too much, eating too much and just letting myself go. I understand now that I didnt have something in my life to make me try harder and after meeting CT I want to be a better man and I have a focus now that i didnt before. Maybe a little of that in the back 0f my mind is me telling myself to look better for the next time I see CT.
Okay, enough of that for now!
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