My days are winding down...deployment is now just a few weeks away. I am nervous about the all the unknowns and at the same time excited for the opportunity to do my small part.
I have spent weeks picking the brains of people who have deployed before me and they have helped me to get an idea of what to expect. There remains many things that I am dreading and the first of which is the long ass flight and taking days to get to where I am going. I will be arriving at night and when I get there I will have up to 5 other roommates - uggh! Oh well, it is what it is!
I am sure my perspective will change greatly between now and when I return. I may come back an reread some of my predeployment thoughts when I finally return home..
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
350...
Okay, quick update. The online thing has been cleared up. We spoke and all is cool. We are not a match, but I am no longer dreading the chance meeting in the parking lot or at the mail box...a collective whew!!!
Daylight shifts again. My body is struggling to adapt as evidenced by me being awake at 0130. I can stay up all day, but need sleep around 8pm. I then wake up at midnight and cannot get back to sleep without some assistance. I am hoping my body begins to adjust soon as this is messing me all up.
There have been some MORE changes at work and the latest round I am not so much feeling. I keep thinking that my career path with the military is going from stalled to backwards and I am not pleased. I do question many of the decisions that are being made especially since the rationale is not based on any practical research. I guess that is what happens when women are placed in any position of authority. They operate on emotions and not on logic.
Thankfully, I deploy VERY soon and will get a break from the hap-hazard decisions being made by the estrogen being. so for the next few I plan to lay low and ready myself to get the fuck out!!!
Daylight shifts again. My body is struggling to adapt as evidenced by me being awake at 0130. I can stay up all day, but need sleep around 8pm. I then wake up at midnight and cannot get back to sleep without some assistance. I am hoping my body begins to adjust soon as this is messing me all up.
There have been some MORE changes at work and the latest round I am not so much feeling. I keep thinking that my career path with the military is going from stalled to backwards and I am not pleased. I do question many of the decisions that are being made especially since the rationale is not based on any practical research. I guess that is what happens when women are placed in any position of authority. They operate on emotions and not on logic.
Thankfully, I deploy VERY soon and will get a break from the hap-hazard decisions being made by the estrogen being. so for the next few I plan to lay low and ready myself to get the fuck out!!!
Friday, January 20, 2012
344...
This may sound odd. I have been online chatting with someone. Normally this would not be that big of a deal, but in this case it is cause I usually am online when I am both bored and drunk. A combination that has brought me nothing but complications in the past.
Well, I had been going back and forth with someone who lives nearby - very close - I am talking walking distance. After probably two months of back and forth and times not being right I was online and tightly drunk and we decided to meet. The meeting is one I can hardly remember and apparently we made some more intimate plans for later that evening.
Here is where things get a bit sticky. I recall a quick kiss and returning home and showering. I also remember some back and forth texting where I guess I was feeling "put off". The last thing I can actually remember was texting, "we're done" and "have a nice life". I then deleted the text string and the phone number from my contacts.
It has been four days since the exchange and I cannot help but wonder what it was that set my drunken self off and if it was really worth it to sever all ties. Granted this was not a person I had much in common with other than a willingness to encounter.... However, as I mentioned earlier this person lives extremely close and I am sure to cross paths from time to time.
Thinking about it today I am left a little sad and depressed about the whole thing and it would have been nice to at the very least hold on to possibly a friendship. Oh well....can undo what I have drunkenly done...
Well, I had been going back and forth with someone who lives nearby - very close - I am talking walking distance. After probably two months of back and forth and times not being right I was online and tightly drunk and we decided to meet. The meeting is one I can hardly remember and apparently we made some more intimate plans for later that evening.
Here is where things get a bit sticky. I recall a quick kiss and returning home and showering. I also remember some back and forth texting where I guess I was feeling "put off". The last thing I can actually remember was texting, "we're done" and "have a nice life". I then deleted the text string and the phone number from my contacts.
It has been four days since the exchange and I cannot help but wonder what it was that set my drunken self off and if it was really worth it to sever all ties. Granted this was not a person I had much in common with other than a willingness to encounter.... However, as I mentioned earlier this person lives extremely close and I am sure to cross paths from time to time.
Thinking about it today I am left a little sad and depressed about the whole thing and it would have been nice to at the very least hold on to possibly a friendship. Oh well....can undo what I have drunkenly done...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
343...
Sometimes we make bad decisions...really bad ones. The worst ones are those that have been influenced by a bit of alcohol. I am the maker of a very recent bad decision that comes form the grips of an alcoholic induced stupor and I am left to take my medicine afterwards.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
336...
Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future... I guess that is my mood today. Last evening I woke early and a friend accompanied me for an evening of pizza and loads of beer. did I mention the sheer quantity of beer that was consumed? Well it was epic. well, no surprise I woke with a hungover feeling and slept on and off until 1900.
To quell my hangover I decided some hair of the dog would be mighty fine. So I sit sipping a beer. Slowly this time and I am starting to feel a bit better. I am enjoying the last few beers that will cross my lips as deployment looms in just a month and weeks.
To quell my hangover I decided some hair of the dog would be mighty fine. So I sit sipping a beer. Slowly this time and I am starting to feel a bit better. I am enjoying the last few beers that will cross my lips as deployment looms in just a month and weeks.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
331...
Have I mentioned that I hate where I live? Not Just the city and state (which I also hate), but the apartment in which I dwell. Well, in case I have yet covered the topic - I fucking hate it.
I live in an upstairs (two story building) in the back corner of the complex. You would think it would be all nice and quiet away from the parking lot and rush of traffic. Hell no! What lives under me is the devil! I fucking load ass screeching little girl who is the devil's spawn! I fucking hate that rodent of a child!
On a typical morning I am awakened by her screeching as her redneck-fat-brawless mother wakes her up in the morning. Well little demon seed does not like to be awakened from her coffin and screams for several minutes afterwards. She goes on to scream about every little thing that she does not like. I keep praying that pressure builds up in her head and it eventually explodes - oh what pure joy that would bring to my life.
i use to think that I wanted children one day, but after being exposed to that fucking loud brat - I have changed my mind!
Every afternoon it plays with other low rent children just below my windows and they scream and yell - which I understand that children do, but the demon seed screeches! It is so fucking unbearable at times!!!! I find myself wanting to buy some cast iron planters to teeter on the edge of my balcony railing in hopes that they fall and crush her fucking skull!!! (slight smile just appeared on my lips just thinking about it).
However, tonight it is her fat hick mother who is making noise. I guess the ugly bitch found an 8-track tape player and her collection of johnny cash tapes. At the moment I am able to hear loud rattling speakers of old fucking johnny cash tunes - fuck I need a drink and a 9 mil.
Just move right!! Well, that is the issue! I have heavy ass furniture and no friends here that could help so I would need to hire a moving company $$$$$$. I get a new place and deal with all the deposits, hookups, address changes and fucking hassle. I deploy in a few weeks and when I return there is a chance I will only be here for 6 months. So I am trying to suck it up!..If I end up not PCSing after I get back then I will fucking move!!!! No matter what the cost!!!
I live in an upstairs (two story building) in the back corner of the complex. You would think it would be all nice and quiet away from the parking lot and rush of traffic. Hell no! What lives under me is the devil! I fucking load ass screeching little girl who is the devil's spawn! I fucking hate that rodent of a child!
On a typical morning I am awakened by her screeching as her redneck-fat-brawless mother wakes her up in the morning. Well little demon seed does not like to be awakened from her coffin and screams for several minutes afterwards. She goes on to scream about every little thing that she does not like. I keep praying that pressure builds up in her head and it eventually explodes - oh what pure joy that would bring to my life.
i use to think that I wanted children one day, but after being exposed to that fucking loud brat - I have changed my mind!
Every afternoon it plays with other low rent children just below my windows and they scream and yell - which I understand that children do, but the demon seed screeches! It is so fucking unbearable at times!!!! I find myself wanting to buy some cast iron planters to teeter on the edge of my balcony railing in hopes that they fall and crush her fucking skull!!! (slight smile just appeared on my lips just thinking about it).
However, tonight it is her fat hick mother who is making noise. I guess the ugly bitch found an 8-track tape player and her collection of johnny cash tapes. At the moment I am able to hear loud rattling speakers of old fucking johnny cash tunes - fuck I need a drink and a 9 mil.
Just move right!! Well, that is the issue! I have heavy ass furniture and no friends here that could help so I would need to hire a moving company $$$$$$. I get a new place and deal with all the deposits, hookups, address changes and fucking hassle. I deploy in a few weeks and when I return there is a chance I will only be here for 6 months. So I am trying to suck it up!..If I end up not PCSing after I get back then I will fucking move!!!! No matter what the cost!!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
328..
Time is moving full steam ahead.I find that I am making the same dumb mistakes over and over again. Its like groundhog day and I can't or won't seem to make a change that will put me on a new path.
Wait that is not entirely true. I know one change I can make in my life, but fear is stopping me from taking the steps necessary to get my life on track.
I deploy very soon and time away should allow me the opportunity to take stockin my life. maybe, think through my many problems and set right some of the wrongs that I have made. I am hoping 2012 allows me to find a new direction for my life.
Fingers crossed....
Wait that is not entirely true. I know one change I can make in my life, but fear is stopping me from taking the steps necessary to get my life on track.
I deploy very soon and time away should allow me the opportunity to take stockin my life. maybe, think through my many problems and set right some of the wrongs that I have made. I am hoping 2012 allows me to find a new direction for my life.
Fingers crossed....
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